Page 29 of The Girl with a Secret
The rest of the class passed in something of a blur, as the teacher, Isaac, led them in repeating various phrases—it’s nice to meet you, how is the weather today, please, you go first.The two dozen people in the classroom repeated each one obediently by rote, reminding Rosa of little schoolchildren reciting their letters.
By the end of the class, she felt tired, but also as if she’d achieved something, and surprisingly, strangely exhilarated. The last, she knew, had nothing to do with the English she’d spoken. She glanced around the room as she made to leave, smiling at a few people who met her eye, but mainly lookingfor Peter Gelb. Unfortunately, he seemed to have disappeared. Fighting a sense of disappointment, Rosa left the Day Center with no more than a few waves and nods at various people. Perhaps she’d see Peter at another English class. She had already resolved to go again on her next day off, and the possibility of seeing him again caused her a little frisson of excitement.
Outside, the day was still sunny and warm, and Rosa decided to make the most of it. She’d walk to the zoo, just as she’d suggested to her mother. She didn’t think it was too far, maybe a little more than a mile. Besides, Rosa wanted to see the city, andexperienceit. The cost of entry to the zoo was only a shilling, and while it was still one she could not really afford, she would do so this once. With her arms swinging by her sides, a jauntiness to her step, she started down the street, only to be stopped halfway down by someone calling her.
“Miss… Miss Herzelfeld?”
Rosa turned to see Peter Gelb walking briskly toward her, his wry smile tinged with an endearing uncertainty. Her heart lifted, expanded, even as she schooled her features into an expression of nothing more than pleasant inquiry.
“Herr Gelb,” she greeted him, afraid she might have sounded a bit too stiff.
“Did you enjoy the English class?” he asked as he stood in front of her. Rosa noticed that once again he had that curious way of standing, with his right hand tucked behind him. He was smiling in a manner she liked, open and friendly, his eyes warm. She felt that little flutter of excitement again, and strove not to reveal it.
“Yes,” she replied with a small smile, “very much. But now perhaps we speak German?”
He laughed, and then switched language with fluent ease. “Yes, although I must warn you, we might get a few looks. TheBritish aren’t too keen on hearing German spoken just about now, as you might imagine.”
Rosa raised her eyebrows. “Even though we’re Jews?”
“I’m not sure they don’t make too much of a distinction.” He shrugged the sentiment aside as his smile returned. “But I came out here to find you, as you’d left before I could speak with you.”
“I didn’t see you in the classroom,” Rosa replied, and then blushed, because she’d just made it obvious that she’d been looking for him.
“I was helping tidy up. Isaac, the teacher, is a friend of mine.”
“So, you weren’t there to learn English,” Rosa replied on a laugh. “I wondered, for you are far too good.”
He hung his head in mock abashment. “I thank you for the compliment.”
They subsided into a slightly awkward yet smiling silence, as they both stood there on the sidewalk, the sun shining benevolently above. Why, Rosa wondered, had he come and found her? She longed to know, and yet she was not bold enough to ask.
“I was wondering,” Peter said after a moment, his smile now a little crooked, “if you wished to get anactualcup of tea—or coffee—rather than a pretend one. With me,” he clarified quickly, and then let out a soft laugh.
“Oh.” A rush of pleasure filled her at the suggestion, surprising her. She hadn’t looked at another man since Ernst. She hadn’t wanted to. She’d done everything she could to avoid male attention, wearing drab clothes and dressing her hair plainly. She hadn’t wanted to risk her heart again, and yet she couldn’t deny the excitement that Peter Gelb’s invitation caused her.
But then, he was just asking her for a cup of tea. It didn’t necessarily mean anything besides friendship, and she stillwasn’t sure she wanted more than that—not now, and maybe not ever.
“Unless you had other plans?” he continued when Rosa had made no reply for several seconds. “Were you going somewhere?”
She hesitated and then admitted, “I was going to the London Zoo. I’ve never been, you see.”
“Oh—” He couldn’t quite hide the disappointment on his face, which made Rosa blurt in a rush:
“Perhaps you’d like to go with me?” She knew it was very forward, to ask a strange man to accompany her as she’d just done. A trip to the zoo was a good deal more than a cup of tea! And yet she found she couldn’t regret it. She missed her friends from theSt Louis, and her days in London had felt long and lonely; she hadn’t realized quite how much until that moment. “That is, if you…” She trailed away, flushing, unable to be quite so bold as to finish that sentence.
“Go to the zoo with you?” Peter looked surprised by the suggestion, but thankfully also pleased. “Why, yes, I’d be delighted to.”
Rosa let out a short laugh of relief and he asked, “Were you planning to walk?”
She nodded. “I didn’t think it was too far, and it is such a nice day.”
“Indeed, a walk would be excellent.” He fell into step beside her. “In fact, I can’t imagine anything more pleasant.”
Rosa let out another little laugh of both relief and pleasure as they started to walk. She thought of the couple she’d watched out the window of the Lyons teashop, strolling along just as they were now. They’d seemed so carefree and happy, those two strangers, and now Rosa felt as if she shared their joy and ease.Thiswas what she’d been looking forward to, longing for—thesimple pleasure of a day out, the company of a kindred spirit, and a handsome man at that…
And what about Ernst? That was what you’d wanted with him.
That ugly little voice whispering inside her head had her faltering in her step, so Peter shot her a quick look of concern. Rosa didn’t want to think about Ernst. She didn’t want to remember how warm his blue eyes had seemed as he’d gazed down at her, shot through with gold, just like his hair. She didn’t want to remember how she’d basked in his attention, how when he’d come into a room, she’d felt herself light up from the inside, and everything else had fallen away, utterly unimportant. She certainly didn’t want to remember how she’d brushed aside all those treacherous fears, those little whispers of alarm, when he’d carelessly told her that “at least she didn’tlookJewish,” or when he’d refused to be seen with her in public, soothing the rejection with so many pretty words.I adore you, Rosa, you know that, but we have to be sensible. Most of all, she wasn’t going to think about what he’d been doing on Kristallnacht, or how she’d seen him that very night with a cut on his lip and a wild glitter in his eyes and she’d chosen not to ask any questions. Not to know.
