Page 19 of The Girl with a Secret
Finally, after at least an hour, Morris Troper, the American in charge of the proceedings, began to say something. Almost as one, every passenger in the hall straightened, taut and alert, as each waited to hear their fate. He started by making only one assurance—that this makeshift committee would do its best to keep families together. Rosa saw Hannah grip Lotte’s hand tightly as a shaky breath escaped her. Rosa doubted Hannah had ever considered the awful possibility that she might be separated from her beloved sister.
Rosa’s breath caught as it suddenly occurred to her, rather ridiculously, that this was really happening. Until Mr. Morris Troper started speaking, she realized she hadn’t truly believed they wouldeverget off the ship. It had felt like a prison, ahell, eternal damnation for the unwanted. Yet here was this American Jew, with his thin moustache and dark hair neatly brushed—reminding Rosa, oddly, a little of Hitler—and his calm voice telling them so matter-of-factly what was going to happen—and soon.
Instinctively, she turned to Hannah, who gave her a wondering, incredulous look, as if she too could hardly believe it. They smiled at each other, a bit abashedly, yet Rosa thought she still saw fear in Hannah’s eyes. She felt it in herself.
Morris Troper cleared his throat before speaking in a loud, clear voice. “I will now read the names of those who will disembark in Great Britain.”
Almost as one, every passenger in the hall seemed to hold their breath. The air, once so sleepy and stifling, suddenly became electric as bodies leaned forward, fists clenched. Who had been chosen?
Troper began to read out the names. “Ackermann, Bertha. Adler, Berthold. Adler, Chaskel. Adler, Paul. Adler, Regina…”
The names droned on, and Rosa did her best to stay attentive, waiting for a name she recognized. Troper went through the Bs without mentioning Rachel or her husband Franz, their last name Blau.
Rachel put her arm around Franz as Rosa and Hannah shared an unhappy glance; it was fast becoming apparent from the other passengers’ reactions, either delight or despair, that being allowed to disembark in England, far from Germany’s military aspirations, was the best result any of them could hope for. “Never mind,” Rachel said with a bracing smile. “One country is as good as another, I suppose.”
The names went on—C, D, E. Rosa caught her breath as her heart started to race. Soon, he would be at the H’s, and she would know her own fate. Would she and her parents get to go to England? She’d thought before that she wasn’t sure where she wanted to end up, but now she realized she would rather be in England than anywhere else. Like Hannah had said, England was most likely the safest place for a Jew to be.
“Hausdorff, Arthur. Hausdorff, Gertrud. Heldenmuth, Alfred. Heldenmuth, Lilo. Heldenmuth, Selma.”
Rosa’s fists were now clenched in her lap, her whole body tense, as Troper continued: “Herzelfeld, Friedrich. Herzelfeld, Elsa. Herzelfeld, Rosa…”
Her breath came out in a rush, and she sagged forward, suddenly almost near tears. England. They were going to England.
“Oh, Rosa,” Rachel exclaimed, sounding genuinely pleased. “How fortunate for you, although I’m sorry we won’t be together.”
“Yes, how lucky,” Hannah breathed. “England! I wish…”
“Maybe you will, too,” Rosa told her, her tone turning urgent as she straightened. “You and Lotte. Let’s listen, they’re almost at the Ls. They’re sure to call out Levin.”
They both waited in apprehensive silence as Morris Troper continued to call names. “Langnas, Leon. Lauchheimer, Ida. Leinkram, Aron. Leinkrem, Mina.”
But the rest of the Ls went by without a mention ofLevin, Hannahor her sister. Hannah’s face crumpled for a second before she smoothed out her expression, almost as if she’d taken an iron to it.
“Never mind,” she said before turning to her sister with a bright, determined smile. “The other countries are just as agreeable, aren’t they, Lotte? Maybe we’ll go to France and see the Eiffel Tower.” Wordlessly, the girl nodded, and Hannah glanced back at Rosa and Rachel. “I’ll be the first at Henri’s,” she said, half-teasing, half-serious, “when we all meet again.”
“Oh, Hannah.” A lump formed in Rosa’s throat as she stared at her friend helplessly, wishing there was something she could do or say to make it better. Her heart ached for her friend but also, just a little bit, for herself. She wouldn’t be with either Hannah or Rachel. She’d be facing this strange new world all alone, for she surely couldn’t count on the help or support of her parents, who, as ever, would be absorbed with their own affairs.
“And that concludes those who will disembark in Great Britain,” Mr. Troper finished, once he’d come to the end of the list. “The other lists will be announced this evening.”
“We’re not even going to find out now?” Hannah sounded aggrieved. “We’re practically in Belgium as it is, and I heard those passengers would be disembarking tomorrow morning. Surely, they need to decide soon?”
“You’ll know by this evening, they said earlier. It’s all good news, Hannah,” Rachel reminded her soothingly.
“Yes,” Hannah replied after a moment, but she did not sound entirely convinced.
Later that afternoon, Rosa, Hannah, and Rachel, with Lotte and Franz, stood on the deck and watched as theSt Louiswas guided up the Scheldt estuary, to Antwerp. Wide, marshy fields stretched toward the horizon on either side of the channel, flat and green. They all watched in silence, the moment strangely solemn, almost like a ceremony of sorts, as the ship glided past.
It would be the first time theSt Louiswould actually dock at a port since they’d picked up passengers in France over a month ago. In just a few days, Rosa thought in both wonder and fear, she would be starting an entirely new life in an entirely new country. It seemed impossible,still, and she knew there were many passengers on board who still lived in fear of a cable being received and theSt Louisturning for Germany. She’d heard one man mutter darkly that he would not believe they’d be delivered somewhere else until he was off the ship, his visa issued, and theSt Louishad sailed far away, out of sight.
“They’re announcing who is going!” someone called excitedly from down the deck, and Rosa, Hannah, and Rachel all turned.
They hurried down the deck, each of them caught between trepidation and hope, before shouldering their way into the hall that was now heaving with passengers, most of them looking as anxious as Rosa knew her friends felt.
“I will now read the names of those who will disembark for Belgium,” Morris Troper announced, and once more he began, in an almost stern monotone.
Rachel and Franz were not named, and neither was Hannah; they both exhaled quietly, although whether in relief or disappointment, Rosa couldn’t tell. Where did her friends want to go, now that they knew they would not be heading to England?
“Weiss, Heinrich,” Troper announced, as he came to nearly the end of the list. “Weiss, Josef. Weiss, Margarete.”
