Page 18 of The Girl with a Secret
Rosa’s fingers eased on the railing, her mind spinning.
Next to her, her father stared at Hannah, slack-jawed. “Where are we going, then?” he demanded hoarsely.
“England will take some of the passengers,” Hannah explained breathlessly. “And France, I think, and maybe Belgium. They’ll divide us between them—none of us will have to go back to Germany.”
“We won’t?” Rosa glanced down at the ocean churning far below and a shudder went through her. She didn’t think she would have actually jumped, but the realization that she’d been tempted, even for a few seconds, scared her. She might be weak, but she’d still thought herself stronger thanthat. She stepped back from the railing on shaky legs.
“England…” Her father murmured in dazed relief. “Belgium and France…” He let out a shaky breath as he passed a hand over his forehead. “Thank God.”
“Yes,” Rosa echoed numbly as she stared down once more at the water far below. “Thank God.”
CHAPTER 8
FRIDAY, JUNE 16, 1939—OFF THE COAST OF BELGIUM
Passengers filled the social hall, their suitcases and trunks piled around them, as they waited to be told where—and when—they would go.
The mood was now one more of weariness than hope; they had been on theSt Louisfor so long, following too many false trails and finding too many dead ends, to summon much excitement. Although, just a few days ago, when the news had first been announced that theSt Louiswould not return to Germany, everyone had been ebullient. They had even thrown a party in the social hall they now waited in, and good-natured jests about cruises to Cuba had abounded, as if the last four weeks could be consigned to the punchline of a joke. Rosa had laughed along, but her heart had been strangely heavy. As relieved as she was not to be returning to Germany, the future still felt fearfully unknown.
Over the last few days, news had trickled out about the fate of the passengers—England would take a quarter of the refugees, Holland another quarter, France another and Belgium the last. Representatives from the four countries were meeting today to discuss which country took who; passengers with numbers high up on the immigration quota list for the United States, whocould therefore be expected to move on fairly soon, were the most in demand, since they would not be too much trouble.
But even when they were to be taken in, Rosa had thought bitterly, they still wouldn’t actually be wanted. The knowledge was both humbling and humiliating. She wasn’t even sure where she wanted to go, not that she would have a choice. Her mother thought France, as she’d always been fond of Paris, her father Belgium or the Netherlands, since he knew some people there. England felt too strange, somehow; Rosa spoke some English, but she was far from fluent, and her parents were the same.
“Besides, the English will be at war with Germany soon,” her father had stated, as if he had Hitler’s ear on that matter, just as he had Captain Schroeder’s.
“Wouldn’t you rather be in England then, fighting the Nazis?” Rosa had asked, and her father had raised his eyebrows, his expression turning reproving.
“Rosa, we’re still German.”
But were they? They’d been as good as stripped of their citizenship, their home, their rights. Yet they were still German, in her father’s eyes. “But surely you want Hitler to be defeated,” she’d pressed, for she could not imagine him saying—or believing—the opposite.
“Yes,” her father had answered after a pause. “Naturally. But do I wantGermanydefeated—the country of my birth, my homeland and hope? No.”
“I think they’re one and the same at the moment,” Rosa had replied, and her father had slowly shaken his head, looking more sorrowful than she’d seen him in a long time.
“No,” he’d told her. “They’re not.”
Now Rosa perched on the edge of her steamer trunk, her chin propped in her hand as she waited for the purser to make the announcement of where everyone was meant to go.
“Any news?” Hannah asked as she joined her in the hall, her own cases piled nearby. Lotte, her fair hair in neat braids and wearing her best dress, stood slightly behind her.
“No, not yet,” Rosa replied. “It feels as if we are forever waiting.”
“I just want to know where we’re going.” Hannah rubbed her arms as if she were cold, even though the hall, filled with passengers as well as suitcase, was stifling. “It would be nice to be together.”
“Yes, it would,” Rosa agreed, although she did not know how likely that would be. Requests, her father had told her, would be neither allowed nor granted.
A sudden commotion at the doors to the social hall had everyone straightening, murmuring, and looking around. A group of officious-looking people filed in—representatives from all four governments of the countries that would take them in, as well as executives from America’s Joint Distribution Committee. They’d arrived by tugboat from the Dutch port of Flushing that morning. The moment had finally come; the passengers’ fates were about to be decided.
Hannah reached over to grasp Rosa’s hand tightly. “Rosa, I’m scared,” she whispered, her face pale and drawn.
“You don’t need to be,” Rosa assured her, summoning a strength she didn’t feel for herself. “We’re all going somewhere safe, Hannah, whether it’s England or France, Belgium or the Netherlands. You don’t need to be afraid.”
“I… know,” Hannah said, but she sounded doubtful. She hugged Lotte more closely to her.
The representatives settled themselves at several tables at the front of the hall, under the requisite but inauspicious portrait of Hitler that had frowned down at them the whole journey. Rosa’s throat tightened with anxiety as she gazed at their serious faces. Had they already decided?
She soon discovered that they hadn’t. After the necessary and formal welcomes, the men at the front began to discuss the passengers’ fates among themselves, leaving the nearly thousand people to wait and wilt. Rachel and Franz joined their little group, both of them looking excited but anxious. Rosa glanced around the room for her parents; her father would be hobnobbing with the other elevated members of the passenger committee, not that they’d exercised any real power in the end. She couldn’t see them anywhere.
