Page 76 of Sir Hugo Seeks a Wife
Then Christmas approached, meaning he had to go back to Hampden Crags where his family gathered for the festive season.And Athene had a taste of what her future would entail.Waiting for the man she loved to fit her into his busy, fulfilled life, crammed with commitments and activities and social contacts that as a kept woman, she could never share.
When they were alone together, she knew that he respected her as an equal.When he left her in what was essentially a sumptuous cage, she couldn’t help feeling like his guilty little secret.
Hugo was with her now, and she struggled to control her resentment.After all, she was to blame for their situation.
At least she couldn’t doubt his desire for her.That hadn’t faded.Tonight he’d barely come through the door before he’d whisked her upstairs and into bed.He hadn’t even paused to remove her clothes before he’d unfastened his breeches and pushed inside her.Through the cascade of kisses and caresses and whispers of pleasure, she’d forgotten that she hadn’t seen him for a week and that she’d spent Christmas on her own, with not even Sylvie to keep her company.
Now she lay cuddled up against him in what should be the blissful aftermath, and all she could think about was that he’d leave her again.Her life would turn empty, until he could get away to York once more.
His arm tightened around her.They were both panting, after their precipitous ride to paradise.“By God, I’ve missed you.”
With a short laugh, she pressed her lips to his neck.She’d managed to pull off his neckcloth and coat, but otherwise he was fully clothed, too.“I can tell.You didn’t even take off your boots.”
“Good Lord, I didn’t.”His laugh was self-conscious.“I’m sorry, Athene.I owe you better than that.I could have paused to ask how you are.”
When she buried her face in his creased white shirt, she inhaled his delectable male scent.Horses.Sweat.Sex.And the essence of Hugo that she loved.She’d been so forlorn without him, she’d taken to sleeping with one of his cast-off shirts, just to wallow in his smell.
“All the better for seeing you.And there’s no need for apologies.If you hadn’t hustled me upstairs, I’d have dragged you into the library.”Where there was a very convenient chaise longue.
She tasted yearning in his kiss.“I’ll take my time on the next round.”
“It was exciting.”
“I’ve been so bloody lonely without you.This week has lasted a century.I love my family, but I’d readily consign them to perdition.”
She couldn’t help but like how frustrated he sounded.“You’re here now.”
She was close enough to feel him tense.After a charged pause, he answered.
“I have to go back tomorrow.My sisters are staying another week,” he said carefully.Athene couldn’t mistake the regret in his voice.He was doing what he had to do, not what he wanted.She ought to find solace in that.“I shouldn’t be here now, but I couldn’t bear another day without you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and reminded herself that she had no right to complain.After all, she’d insisted on an affair.Having some of Hugo was better than having none of him.
That wasn’t how it felt right now.But then, she was always too vulnerable after they made love.When he was inside her, he touched her soul.She lost the ability to summon up the spiky defenses that had kept her safe in London.
Not that safe.You fell for Hugo after all, didn’t you?
Just as carefully as he’d spoken, she disentangled herself from his arms and sat up against the pillows.“So we’ve got tomorrow?”
Athene read the answer in his face before he spoke.Her heart sank like a stone.“I’ll have to go before dawn.”
“Oh.”
He took her hand and pressed his lips to her knuckles.“Forgive me, my darling.It’s just that it’s Christmas, and I have duties as head of the family.”
“I know,” she said in a small voice.Most of the time, his tenderness flooded her with warmth.It didn’t tonight.
He looked troubled.Of course he did.She wasn’t doing much of a job of hiding her disappointment.“Everything will settle down.You’ll get sick of having me under your feet, I’ll be here so often.”
The attempt at a joke fell flat.Because she was wise enough to know that he’d always have obligations to his family and estate.She’d have to come to terms with doing without him most of the time.
It wasn’t his fault.It was just reality.There was nothing that she could do about it.If she was his wife, she’d have an essential role in his life.She’d be busy helping him run his lands, manage his social activities, care for their children.
But she couldn’t become his wife without destroying him.She was selfish, but not that selfish.
“I’ve got verses to write for Sylvie.”She struggled to sound as if she didn’t mind his absence at all.After all, hadn’t she always prided herself on her independence?She’d filled her days in London.She could fill her days here.But in London, for most of the time anyway, she hadn’t been sick with longing for a man.“The shop has been frantically busy.She used up everything I left her when I ran off with you, as well as the Christmas pieces I sent her last month.”
“You don’t have to keep working, you know,” Hugo said gently.
