Page 18 of Miss Barton's Mysterious Husband
“Yes, of course,” she said. “We couldn’t have gone on as we were. We had to make some decisions.”
“Yes.”
She wondered if she was wrong to hear a hint of disappointment in the single word.
“Some certainty about our future will be helpful.” She struggled to sound pragmatic.
“Yes.”
A silence fell. She wondered if he’d gone to sleep, but some vibration in the air told her that he was as alert to her as she was to him. She swallowed another sob, although why she bothered, she couldn’t say. Roland knew she was upset.
She heard him roll over. This small room offered a kind of intimacy, even if not the intimacy that she wanted. “If you’re happy we’re together again, why are you crying?”
What could she say to that? She summoned all her courage and decided to be honest. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
Wondering why he was so slow to understand, she licked dry lips. “I missed…what we did in bed.”
She heard him move again. When she turned, she saw him sit up. Against the firelight, he was a black shape, but she caught the glitter of his eyes.
“Are you asking me to join you, Charmian?” His tone was neutral, but in the flickering glow, the line of his head and shoulders was stiff with tension.
She sucked in a shaky breath, and all her secret places softened at the prospect of Roland joining his body with hers. “You’re my husband.”
He sighed. “I am. But I don’t want to take anything for granted. This is too important.”
“Would you…would you like to sleep with me?”
During their few euphoric weeks together, she’d never had to ask. One come-hither look was all it took to lure him into bed sport. It seemed that she needed to work a little harder these days.
“I want what you want.”
A hiss of frustration escaped her. “That’s no answer.”
“If I come to you now, I want you to be very sure that you’re coming back to me.” His tone became resolute. “I couldn’t bear losing you twice. Not after you take me to heaven again.”
That dratted annoying lump in her throat was back. She swallowed to shift it, but her voice emerged as a croak. “Is that how it felt to you back then?”
“You know it did.”
She swallowed once more. It didn’t help. “I’ve had long enough to question whether I knew anything at all when we were together.”
His hiss expressed contempt for that statement. “Come on, Charmian. Whatever else went wrong between us, we were always a perfect match in bed.”
“Then why are you all the way over there?” Her voice was scratchy.
He didn’t immediately respond. Her heart shriveled into a tiny, aching lump. He’d kissed her as if he wanted her, but she was out of practice with a husband. Perhaps she’d misunderstood.
Roland sounded on edge when he answered. “Because I don’t want to frighten you away with how much I want you.”
The tightness in her chest eased. She hadn’t mistaken his desire. Something told her that they needed to come together as lovers before they could heal the breach between them. Anyway, she was desperate for him. Just the sight of him made her feel like she was a woman again, after three vile years of feeling like a ghost haunting her own life. His admission that he wanted her in return set the wanton blood rushing through her veins.
“I’m not frightened anymore.” Which wasn’t entirely true. Roland wasn’t the only one who feared that this chance reconciliation mightn’t last.
He made a convulsive movement in her direction before he pulled back to resume that constant watchfulness. She felt like he counted her every breath. “Convince me.”
Charmian supposed that she owed him that. After all, she was the one who had left him in York. “I…I kissed you.”
