Page 45 of Charming Sir Charles
Sally stiffened and tried to summon her anger, but crying had left her weary to the point of exhaustion. Crying, and barely a wink of sleep over the last week. Whenever she drifted off, her mind returned to those rapturous, heartbreaking moments when Charles had moved inside her. She’d rather spend the night staring up at the ceiling and calling herself every name under the sun for her stupidity than revisit that passionate interlude.
“I didn’t want him to declare himself,” she muttered. She tore savagely at the lace handkerchief between her hands.
“Why not?” Morwenna cast her an unimpressed glance. “You’re head over heels in love with him. Aren’t you glad that he loves you, too?”
“I’m not…” She hadn’t confessed her feelings for Charles either, but Morwenna knew her too well. Her shoulders slumped. “Oh, all right, yes. I do love him. But it’s completely out of the question.”
Morwenna shook her head in disbelief. “Sally, I think you’re a lunatic.”
Sally stood up and began to pace. “Didn’t you listen to me? I’m older than he is.”
“Only a few years. Not enough to matter. You’ve convinced yourself you’re past the age of romance – I think because you can’t bear the thought of being hurt again, after the hell Norwood put you through.”
Sally stiffened. She hated to hear people refer to her failure as a wife. “His lordship was all that was correct.”
Morwenna made a dismissive noise. “I didn’t know Lord Norwood. But everything I’ve heard tells me he was a narrow-minded bully, too beef-witted to appreciate the wonderful wife fate placed in his care.”
“I don’t want to marry again,” Sally said, too upset to call up any stronger defense of her late husband. Anyway, Morwenna was right.
“I can understand you feel like that. But you need to start looking at the facts. Sir Charles isn’t anything like Norwood. For a start, Charles loves you.”
“Stop saying that.”
Morwenna stood up and faced her. “Why? It’s true.”
“He can’t marry me.” Sally stopped her restless marching about and scowled at her friend. “I’m barren.”
Morwenna shrugged. “You said when you told him that, he wanted you anyway.”
“I clearly said far too much.”
Disgust weighted Morwenna’s sigh. “Well, I’ll tell you something, Sally Cowan. Right now I’m ashamed to own you as my friend.”
Sally stepped back, startled at this sudden severity. “What?”
Morwenna made a sweeping gesture with one hand. “You’re acting like a craven coward – when something I always admired about you is your indomitable spirit. You want that man, and he wants you. Yet you’re too lily-livered to reach out your hand and seize your happiness. Instead you’re wallowing in endless excuses. You’ll end up drowning in them before you’re done. And meanwhile, poor Meg goes home under a cloud, and Sir Charles packs up his broken heart and trudges around Florence and Venice, trying like the devil to forget you.”
Sally’s hands clenched at her sides. “What right have you to criticize me?”
Morwenna’s face went pale, and the gloss of happiness melted away. Sally realized with a sick feeling that was all her friend’s gaiety had ever been – a gloss hiding a wound that would never heal.
“Because real love is a gift beyond price and it’s worth every risk. Because you’ve got a chance at finding happiness, and you’re turning your back on it, without recognizing how inordinately lucky you are.” Morwenna’s voice trembled with overpowering emotion. “Because I had real love and I lost it, not because of anything I did, but just because that’s the way the world turns. Honestly, Sally, I could give you a good slap.”
Sally, jolted out of her self-centered dejection, stared aghast at Morwenna. “I’m so sorry. I hoped…”
“That I’d recovered from Robert’s loss?” Morwenna’s lips twisted into a bitter smile. “I know that would make life more comfortable for everyone. Probably for me, too. But you don’t forget a man like Robert Nash, and real love doesn’t easily let you go. If at all. Think about that, Sally, as you turn your back on Sir Charles.”
Sally curled her hand over Morwenna’s. Her friend was shaking with the force of her feelings. “But you and Lord Garson –”
“Get along well.” She mustered a smile. Not a very convincing one. “He’s a kind and good man, and I like him.”
“I’d hoped you might find happiness again. These last weeks…”
Morwenna drew away and squared her shoulders. To her mortification, Sally acknowledged that the only truly courageous person in this room was Morwenna Nash.
“If Lord Garson asks me to marry him, I’ll say yes. Kerenza needs a father, and I’m lonely and seeking a purpose beyond bringing up my daughter alone. I’d like more children. I’d like companionship and a man in my life. Nobody will ever replace Robert. But he’s been gone more than four years, and I’m still young. I need to keep living. For Kerenza’s sake, if nothing else.”
Tears rose to Sally’s eyes, and she pressed Morwenna’s hand. “Your bravery puts me to shame.”
