Page 85 of The Duke Says I Do
“I may not have a baby, you know. Wouldn’t you rather wait and find out?”
“No. I want you with me.” His voice shook with the power of his emotions. “I want to claim you as my wife in the full light of day. I want you by my side without having to lie and deceive and pretend that I don’t think you’re the most marvelous creature in the world.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “That’s…that’s strong stuff.”
“My feelings are strong. I know we haven’t been together for long. I’m willing to delay, if that’s what you want. But if it was up to me, I’d marry you this very moment. It’s not enough to see you for a few minutes in the park and act like our meeting isn’t the center of my entire day. It’s not enough to dance with you once at a ball now and again. It’s not enough to have you in my bed for a few days, then do without you until the next time you can sneak away.” He sucked in a broken breath. When he resumed, desperation turned his voice hoarse. “And everything I saw of you tonight tells me it’s not enough for you either.”
He was right. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. But would it be enough for her to marry him, when so far he hadn’t come near to mentioning love? Was half a cake better than no cake at all?
Portia had a vile inkling that if she said no to his proposal, she wouldn’t even have half a cake. As a result, she’d starve to death.
She twined her shaking hands together at her waist and told herself that she couldn’t confess her love. At least until she knew whether she carried Alaric’s child. If they had to marry, it was better that he never knew of her aching, hopeless devotion. She’d loathe living with a man who tiptoed around her feelings.
“Is it enough, Portia?” he asked when she didn’t reply.
“No, it’s not.” Misery laced her voice. “But I don’t want to destroy your life.”
“The only way you could destroy my life is to leave me.”
He was saying – almost – all the right things. He wanted her in his life. He wantedher.“If we marry, everyone will say that you only took me on because you couldn’t have Juliet. The ton will forever call me your second-best bride.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what the ton says. My happiness is more important than a bit of malicious gossip.” His violent response told her that he veered close to the edge. Alaric didn’tin general use coarse language. “You don’t think I’m pining for Juliet, do you?”
“No, I don’t,” she said, and for the first time, she really believed him. This distraught, ardent man had no interest in her older sister. Alaric and Juliet might be a perfect match in so many ways, while Portia was the last person that he should marry. But she now accepted that Alaric pursued one woman and that woman was Portia Frain.
“I’m glad,” he said with a relieved sigh. “I wondered if that would always be an obstacle between us.”
The time for protecting herself had passed. Whatever damage her confession did, she couldn’t hide the truth any longer. She squared her shoulders. “Alaric, I’m honored by your offer—”
She heard his breath catch. “For the love of God, Portia, don’t refuse me. I beg you.”
Drawing on all her inner resources, she licked dry lips. “I believe marriage should be a meeting of equals.”
“So do I,” he said quickly.
She sliced the air with one hand to silence him. He must have sensed the gesture, even if he couldn’t see it, because he stopped speaking.
“A marriage where one person is in love and the other isn’t will make us both wretched.” Her words hurtled into the space between them like a boulder crashing down a mountainside.
The silence this time lasted a long time. Long enough for Portia’s heart to shrivel. His lack of response was all the answer that she needed.
“You’re right, damn it.” His voice was expressionless as it never was. “I’d hoped…”
What? That she’d get over her inconvenient love? That wasn’t going to happen. She was a stalwart soul. Once she committed herself, she didn’t waver.
It was humiliating to realize that Alaric had guessed her feelings. And it further complicated what was already an odiously complicated situation. Regret grated in her voice. “I won’t change, Alaric. I’m sorry.”
“There’s no chance you could ever love me?” he asked in that same toneless voice.
“There’s no chance I…” She broke off, as she realized that he hadn’t said what she’d expected. “Wait. What are you saying? You love me?”
“You know I do. That’s why you’re refusing me.” He sounded like all the light had been sucked out of the world. Shehatedthe way he sounded.
Since their frantic, ecstatic union against the beech tree, nothing had made sense. This capped it all. Portia drew a fragmented breath and reviewed what he’d said. If she got this wrong, her whole life would be empty.
“I’m…I’m not refusing you,” she said on a breath of sound. A joyous smile curved her lips, doubly wonderful when she’d feared that everything she wanted was out of reach for eternity. “I said I…I don’t want to marry you when I’m so in love with you that I could die. Not when you aren’t even a little bit in love with me.”
He caught her arms in a desperate grip. “But I’ve been in love with you since that first day.”
