Page 5 of All the Way
“Do you need us to deliver it to your place?” Josh asks, pretending to be nonchalant, but I know he’s thinking about skipping the naughty or nice party and trying to have his own party with Jess. “You live alone? Private house? Apartment building? What floor do you live on? I can carry in to your place and set it up for you. No extra charge.”
“I thought you had a party to go to tonight,” I say, hoisting Jess’ selected tree onto my back and carrying it over to where we pack them up in fresh netting.
“I can skip the party.” Jess and Josh follow behind me as I go to send the tree through the netting machine.
“You okay for me to leave you alone with this guy for a second?” I laugh, giving Josh a playful punch in the arm.
“I’m just trying to be a good salesman.” Josh puts his hands up, one over his heart, and takes off his hat and puts it over his chest. “Scout’s honor. The deal isn’t really closed until the customer is totally satisfied.”
I carefully hop up the stairs to the trailer where we have the cash register set up. I punch in the passcode and deposit two of the crumpled twenties from my bonus in the cash register to cover Jess’ tree. I look out the small, dirty window of the trailer down at Jess and Josh. She’s smiling the way she’s always done, and he keeps a respectful distance, even though I know he’s trying to maneuver a way to get into bed with her. A wave of possessiveness sweeps through my chest, even though I have no claim over her anymore.
“Let me get this to your truck,” I say, closing the door behind me and making my way down the slick metal stairs.
Jess starts to unzip her purse, but I stop her. She and her family have done so much for me, and I want to treat her to a small part of a nice Christmas. Clearly if she’s here during dinner time on Christmas Eve, her family’s disappointed her by not getting a tree of their own.
“No charge,” I say. “It’s on the house.”
“I guess I have some competition,” Josh says, digging his hands into his pockets. “You’re really spreading the Christmas cheer, man.”
“It’s not a competition,” Jess says, pulling a five dollar bill out of her purse. “Thank you Josh, for showing the trees to me. You did a lovely job helping me come to a decision.”
“You don’t have to be so official about it,” Josh laughs, taking the bill. “What do you say I take you out for a beer now that I’m flush with cash?”
“Oh, I wish I could, but I have to get going. My family is at home waiting on me to bring some pastries.” She points to her truck, which is now dusted with a fresh layer of snow. “Some other time? Chris has your number, right?”
“Yeah, Chris has my number,” Josh says, slightly dejected. But I’m happy on the inside that my ex isn’t getting some other guy’s number right in front of me. This might just be a good Christmas after all.
After we say our goodbyes to Josh, Jess and I make our way over to her truck. By now the snow is starting to beat down more heavily, and road conditions are bound to be bad. I wish I could drive her truck home for her, and even though seeing her has started to sober me up, I just can’t do it.
“You get the good stuff from Kaitlyn’s?” I ask, popping the tree into the bed of Jess’ pickup. It lands with a bounce on the snow starting to pile up back there, and I use my switchblade to cut a length of twine to make sure it’s tied down good and secure and ensure that she’ll be able to see out her back window.
“Yeah, I stopped by there right before I came to get the tree. You going to that party with your friend over there?”
She motions behind me with a tilt of her chin and I turn around to see Josh staggering away from us, down the street toward the back roads. I know he only lives about an eighth of a mile away, so I’m not worried about him.
“Nah,” I say, checking the tension of the rope against the tree. “He invited me, but I’m not really in a party mood right now.”
“What about a little Christmas Eve gathering that’s not really a party?” she says, her eyebrows arched up slightly and her eyes hopeful. “Have you seen my siblings or parents recently?”
I clear my throat and shove my twine and blade into my front pocket. “I haven’t. But I should really get going myself.” Her face drops and the corners of her mouth turn down. I hate to disappoint her, but I can’t go back to her house with her. In the interest of self-preservation.
“You’re still with your dad, right? Tell him I said hello.” She pulls the door open and gets in, wiping the condensation off all the windows that she can reach. Rolling down her window, she puts her elbow out and turns on the radio. Some Christmas song comes on, and I try to block it out.
“I’ll tell him. Get home before your truck fills up with snow. Stay warm.” She smiles and starts to roll up the window. Her pink lips look radiant in the moonlight, the glittery snow in the air making her look like she’s in a snowglobe. She doesn’t belong in that truck that I know barely starts anymore. She belongs with me in a bra and panties and some wool socks next to the fireplace with a cup of hot cocoa.
“Can I call you tomorrow?” I ask as the window is about to close. “Just to say Merry Christmas?”
“Of course you can.” She rolls the window up the rest of the way, struggles to shift into drive, and rolls slowly out of the parking lot. As I watch her drive away, I check her surroundings to make sure she’s okay before pulling out my phone. I want to text Derek to let him know that we’ve sold one of the trees so he doesn’t come by tomorrow morning and think he’s been ripped off by some kids with nothing better to do.
The last trace of Jess’ taillights disappear along the main road. Again I consider driving home, but I decide against it. Let me fuck up my own life, but I don’t want to put anyone else’s in jeopardy. I dig my heels into the snow and lean forward, making my way against the wind toward home.
The lingering effects of the beer are making my tongue and lips feel a little numb, or maybe by now that’s just the cold. It’s hard to tell anymore. I pull my wool cap down farther over my ears and grit my teeth against the wind. Thank God I decided to grow this beard.
I come to a red light and a Don’t Walk signal at a crosswalk, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone around. I look down as I make sure my footing is steady, and when I get to the other side of the street, I see Jess’ truck in the middle of the road with her hazard lights blinking. Jogging over to her, I look inside the window to see her gripping the steering wheel and looking straight ahead like a deer in headlights.
I rap gently against the passenger side window, making her jump as she looks over.
“What the hell happened?” I say as she leans across to open the door for me.
