Page 22 of All the Way
“No more drama,” Chris say, moving Sammy by the arm to the couch, where she sits down next to Josh.
“Chris?” I say meekly and with a small voice. “What’s going on?”
Josh winks at me behind Chris, and the image of Sammy on her knees in front of Chris in some bedroom hidden at the back of the house flashes in front of my eyes. Maybe it’s the pounding music or the fact that I’ve just drank my second beer in my whole life, but my stomach churns into a knot and my knees go weak. Or maybe it’s the fact that I don’t know where Chris was for the past five minutes.
“Hey there, what’s wrong?” Josh rushes over to me and slips one of his huge arms around my back and over my shoulder. “I’ve got you.” He looks down into my eyes and flashes his signature smile, and a sickening swirl of heartache captures my chest.
“Can we just go?” I say quietly. I bound toward the door and into the night. The air hits me like a cold frost against my skin and I slip my arms tight around myself. I start around to the driver’s side of my truck but realize I feel too sick to drive.
“You’re passenger side tonight, babe,” Chris says, taking my keys from me and walking me around the front of the truck to the other door. “What’s the matter?”
I slip into the seat and put my knees forward toward the dashboard. I have no proof that Chris was doing anything wrong, and this could have all been a big misunderstanding. But still, the fact that I feel so rotten over just the idea that he could be with someone else is making me feel positively awful.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I just started feeling a little bit queasy back there.” My heart pounds fast in my chest, and I unzip my coat quickly to get some air. I feel like it’s suffocating me.
“Not your kind of people,” Chris says, reaching over me to buckle him in. His arm is strong and as it slips past my chest I feel a little warmth spread inside me, calming me down a little. “I get it. Next time I’ll bring you to a Cub Scouts meeting.”
I shake my head, my thoughts tumbling and rattling around inside my brain, silently scolding myself. Chris and I aren’t even technically together, and he can do whatever he wants. Whoever he wants.
“I think I just want to go home,” I say. He presses his lips together and closes the door carefully before walking around to his side and hopping in.
“Whatever you’d like. Are you sure you don’t want to stay at my place tonight?” He shoots a look over at me, surprise and concern in his voice. “Or do you want me to stay with you?”
“Not tonight,” I say. “Not tonight.”
That feeling of relief I had when I woke up this morning? Oh, how I’d love to get that back.
Chapter Twelve - Chris
I am a piece of shit. Just one look at the kind of place I used to hang out before she saved me and she’s shut down cold.
That’s all the more work I need to do to show her that I’m not letting her go. One look at her sleeping in the seat next to me and I want to pull over again and make her mine. I’ll do it on every street in our town, just so no one makes any fucking mistakes about it.
She might have a headache tomorrow. I should never have let her drink that beer. We roll slowly to a red light blocks from her house and I reach over to pop open the glove compartment to search for some painkillers to give her before I get her home.
I find a few drive-through receipts, an empty envelope and a letter with a few pages stapled behind it folded into thirds. The dim yellow light inside the glove compartment illuminating the letter shows a local university’s letterhead. I don’t want to invade her privacy, but I know what a packet from a university means, and I remember she said she was thinking of transferring schools.
Closing the glove compartment slowly as the light flashes to green, my eyes linger on her as she sleeps. Glowing Christmas lights from houses speeding past us on the local side road fall over her in waves. She’s the brightest of any of them. My cock starts to get hard as I think about falling into bed with her tonight, but if she isn’t feeling well, I’ll just have to go home and wait for her.
When we pull into her driveway, I nudge her awake. “Honey, your truck is going to turn back into a pumpkin in like five minutes, so you better go.”
As she wakes up, she seems a little bit disoriented. “Are we home?”
“Well, you’re home. Tell me if you want me to stay.”
“No. I’d better just go inside. Thank you for today,” she says. I lean to her and stop just before kissing her and instead trail my thumb along her bottom lip, painting her with my touch.
“Thank you for tomorrow.”
She forces a little smile and we get out. I make sure to get her to her door. With a few clicks of my keyring the doors to my silver Mustang unlock and I get in, buckle up, and blast a mix tape she made for me one year ago today.
Chapter Thirteen - Jess
I’m sluggish and tired as I go upstairs to my room, passing the fully lit Christmas tree in the living room. A narrow sliver of light is coming out of Jamie’s room, but I don’t duck in to say hi. Instead, I go right to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for bed.
Going through my routine, I think back to this afternoon and how Chris kissed me with the shaving cream on his face. It was so silly and such a small thing, and I can’t believe I made myself think it was something more than it was. I brush my teeth, wash my face and wrap up in a fluffy robe from the hallway linen closet.
This is the feeling I didn’t want to have. This is the feeling I was trying to avoid. Disappointment. Nothing’s perfect. Not now, not a year ago. I trudge along to my room and close the door behind me slowly. I check my phone to see if anyone’s texted me. It’s just Chris, telling me he’s arrived home okay.
