Page 31 of Hale
Danny and Joya jabber on until I find my head nodding. Rylie has fallen asleep. I thank them for the food and then wake her. The air is nippy, so we hurry to our tent. It’s a tight squeeze, but we eventually zip ourselves in and cuddle under the blanket. We’re both sticky and smelly, but it doesn’t stop us from clinging to the other.
“Hudson?”
“Yeah, Ry?”
“Today was fun.” Her palm splays out over my bare chest. “I can’t remember the last time I had fun.”
“Hmm,” I say, smiling. “Your birthday?”
She snorts. “It rained on the barbeque. That was not fun.”
“But the mud fight Dad started was,” I argue.
Her body tenses and I hold her tighter. “It was fun, Ry.”
“It was.” She sniffles. “Christmas was not fun.”
My stomach feels hollow at her words. Christmas was not fun. I was an asshole to her. Mom was fussing over her and I got pissed. There I was, barely back from being away at school, and Rylie was once again making things difficult.
But looking back, I saw the unmasked pain in her eyes. I was too selfish to want to help like Mom and Dad did. All I cared about was myself. And getting between Amy’s legs.
“Why were you so upset that night?” I ask, my voice gruff. She knows which night. The night I ended up yelling at my mom to stop enabling her and stormed off. I spent the night with Amy and didn’t come home until dinner the next day.
She stiffens and lets out a sad sigh. “Because I missed you. When you’re not home, it’s lonely. It’s like you fill the space with life. You were home and then you were making plans to go see Amy. I don’t know how to explain it. I was just upset.”
“I’m here now,” I mutter. “I’m sorry, Rylie. I’m sorry I’ve been an awful brother.”
“You keep telling me that, but, see, I didn’t see it that way. I just wanted to spend time with you.”
The tent is cramped, but I need to comfort her. I roll us until she’s mostly beneath me. My bare leg intertwines with hers beneath the blanket and my palm slides up her stomach over her tank.
“I’m trying to be a better person,” I admit. I brush her hair from her face and touch her lips with my fingertips.
“You were always a better person than me. I worshipped you,” she breathes.
“And now?” My voice is husky.
“I still do.”
“What’s happening to us?” I rest my head on my arm as I pet her hair with my other hand. “Why do I feel so desperate to fix our relationship?”
She turns her head, her hot breath tickling my face. “Because I’m all you have left.”
Leaning forward, I plant a kiss on her cheek. “It’s more than that. I think with Mom and Dad passing, my eyes are finally open to what’s important. All the shit I worried about before doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I’m glad you’re back this week,” she murmurs. “I’ll be sad when you leave.”
I kiss her cheek again. Just a small peck. And then she tilts her head toward me. I can feel her breath so close. I press my lips to hers because it feels right.
“Hudson?”
“Yeah, Rylie?”
“I’m sick and you’ve caught the sickness too.”
I peck her lips once more before lying back. “I’ll be fine, Ry. Don’t worry about me.”
She curls back against me and whispers against my chest, “I’m worried it’s going to killme, though.”
