Page 56 of A Baron of Bonds
Bundled close together, our bare bodies no more than warmly entangled limbs and torsos, we sunk into the bed while the fire crackled in a lazy heat we had not attended to for hours.
He traced his fingers up and down the length of my back as I spoke, spilling everything out of me. Finally, I more than wanted to tell him what I’d been through and done—Ineededto tell him. I needed my other half, my piece of me that had endured so much, to know what I had just gone through. I needed him to hear me tell this story and know that I regretted every bit of it.
He watched my face carefully, his eyes soft and loving like he couldn’t believe I was there, tangled up with him.
I swallowed. “I really didn’t know, Rev. I didn’t know following her would trap me there. The lumens had gone through, and she left after them, and I didn’t know what to do. I thought of turning around and trying to find my way back. Ithought of you and what you had already been though and what we had done to each other when we were so young and?—”
“Karus.” He brushed my cheek. “I breathe, you breathe. Ready?”
He inhaled through his nose and I copied. He filled his lungs and let the air out slowly through his mouth. I followed his lead and found a place of clarity again.
“Better?”
I nodded.
He pulled on the small of my back, bringing me closer and pressing my stomach to his. “We don’t have to talk about the portal. What happened when you discovered how to leave it?”
“I fell out into a cave. It was dark and wet and enormous. Rev, there’s something I didn’t want to say…in front of the Queen. I—I didn’t know if I should tell her.”
He nodded, waiting for me to explain.
“In the cave…there was a heart. It hung from the top.” I squeezed my eyes shut, remembering the pulse. “It was red and glowed and it beat every second I was there. It was massive…”
The smallest sigh came from his chest as he asked, “Do you think it’s what you feel when you touch the Blight?”
“Yes. Yes, I know it is. And I know it’s hers.” I shook my head and brought our clasped hands to my face. “How did she get like this? How is she still alive?”
“I was hoping you’d know those things.”
“Once Parvus saved me from those creatures, I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t care about her story anymore. I just wanted to get back to you.” I slid my leg up over his hip, settling in where it fit so perfectly. “I’m sorry. I’ll say that a thousand times again. If I could go back, I swear I would not have gone.”
“You can’t change time, Karus?—”
“I know, I just need you to know that I would if I could.”
He chuckled. “Ah, you didn’t let me finish. When I lied to you about Heimlen, about what was under his gloves, I knew I had made a mistake. The minute you left the room, I began to unravel, trying to convince myself I really had done it to save you. I tried to convince myself that by lying, we would be able to destroy the Blight and it would never endanger you again. I left not long after you did to find you and undo what I had done. But I couldn’t. And I certainly didn’t expect you to be with Heimlen. After I finally searched his rooms and found the journal, I ran out of the Fortress doors to see the night sky lit in brilliant sunlight.”
He reached out to wipe a tear that slipped down the bridge of my nose. He had never told me this story before.
“It was then that I wished I could go back in time. In that very moment, I understood what you had done because of the decision I had made. I made a selfish and foolish choice to lie, and the repercussion of that lie lasted seven years. I wished every day that I could go back to that night and tell you the truth and listen to what you wanted to say. But I can’t. And I never will be able to. So all I can do is move forward. All I can do is keep loving you. All I can do is keep lifting you into the sky to shine. Because you shine so bright, Karus. You make mistakes, and you don’t always think ahead. You’re too curious by far and stubborn as well.”
I grimaced hearing my faults laid bare. The truth of them I already knew.
“And I fuckingloveyou for it. For all of it. You drive me crazy, you make me angry, you give me love, and joy, and hope. You make me feel like I can do anything and be the Baron who makes real change.”
I brought my face to his, our lips brushing so softly, gently, as if we really could stop time and just be.
“Did I mention you’re irresistible?”
“No, you did not.”
“My mistake.” He lingered on my lips before asking, “Did you know I chose that study for its desk?”
“Its desk?”
He nodded. “When I was training as Baron, I assumed I would take over Heimlen’s study after he passed.”
“But you didn’t want to be reminded.”
