Page 156 of A Baron of Bonds
“Please,” I begged, “stop. Stop talking like this. Nothing is going to change. I don’t wantusto change. I want to stay like this. I want to be happy here, with you, like this.”
“What if there’s more than this, Sae? What if I wantmorethan this?”
I backed away, my arms leaving the place I wanted to stay forever, the music long since silenced. “You can’t have it.” I shook my head. “I won’t risk losing you, Thevin. You’re too important to me.”
“You wouldn’t be losing anything. We would gain something. Something already started that neither of us are going to stop.”
“Please,” I whispered, “don’t.”
“So, what?” He threw his arms into the air and then crossed them at his chest. “You want me to visit you every summer, and we’ll dance to music and ride lumens through the trees? You’ll boss me around, and I’ll pretend to hate it? You’ll smile at me, and I’ll pretend it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t pierce me and heal over, forever marking me with you no matter what I see out there? No matter how difficult the world is outside of this place?”
He chuckled and looked down at his feet, shaking his head. When he looked back up, his eyes were the brightest blue, like a lightning strike over a gray sky. “I can’t do it, Sae. Don’t ask me to do that because I can’t. ”
“You’ll leave me,” I whispered, my heart screaming in agony, watching him crumble and confess everything I myself wanted to say. “If it doesn’t work. If you decide you can live without my smile, you’ll leave, and I’ll have nothing.Nothing. You’re the best thing that feels real in my life, and I refuse to risk that. I cannot risk what you ask.”
He backed up to the door, his face a picture of disappointment, hurt, and longing all wrapped up in his beautiful features. He opened the door, one hand on the knob, one arm leaning on the frame. “I don’t know, Sae. The risk feels worth it to me.”
He left.
He left me there with those words to pierce my skin and forever scar me.
I should have raced after him. I should have caught him in the hall and kissed him, admitting that I had loved him far longer than he knew—that I would risk everything just to seehim happy. I should have reversed time, just by one minute and listened to more, accepted more, confessed more.
But I didn’t.
And as the minutes ticked by and my spell could no longer reverse time that far, I just stood there, breaking my own damn heart, and listening to my name echo through the room in a numbing whisper as the tines clicked in a rhythm to the song’s end.
Chapter 65
Karus
Viv had the baby. A healthy girl we named Allyanna. Ashton is a good big brother when he wants to be. We would love for you to visit when you can. There is more news at the border, but I cannot write it here. Stay happy, stay safe.
Love,
Geyrand
I readhis letter with joy, so pleased they were all well.
I picked up Figuerah’s and read it too, my feet tucked up under me by the fire, no Revich there to warm them.
I cannot believe Viridis has returned. Karus, you did it. I’m so proud of you, I could shout it to each person I meet. Unfortunately, there are quite a few these days as Clairannia plans all these gatherings in Hyrithia. Nyeimah and I are exhausted, but we love her and come to them anyway.
We have a few more meetings to attend with the Queen and her royal procession before we can travel to Felgren. There’s some news here that you and Revich need to know if the Queen has not written already.
Karus, I cannot wait to walk into Viridis with you. I cannot wait to show Nyeimah. Clairannia already has plans and two trunks of books on medicus conduit magic she’d like to add to that section. Her memoire is done. I should be able to finish mine while we’re there and add it to the shelves as well.
I just want to see you. I miss Felgren, Karus. I miss it every day I am away, and I miss you. By the time you get this, I’ll be there in just a few days, weeks for me out here. Regardless, know that no matter the outcome of the trials, you are a full conduit to me.
I love you, my dearest friend,
Figuerah
I let myself sob, tears splashing the letter and running down the ink in her messy scrawl. I missed her. I missed both of them, and again, I wished they were here for my conduit trials, as they had planned to be.
I wiped my tears on my sleeve and sniffed, folding both letters and sitting them on the table beside me.
Emotions tore through me as I sat alone in our room, watching the flames burn through a log of ash wood. Revich would be gone most of the night. He had insisted the trials take place in the morning and needed a few hours still to finish.
