Page 56 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 6
We may have never even made it to our one-year anniversary. Even if we were together, we may have drifted apart. So no, I wasn’t devasted as I stared out at the ocean. I was just disappointed in myself for forgetting the most valuable lesson I’d ever learned…to not take a single day for granted. What was the point of thinking of what could have been? Matt and I hadn’t happened. And we never would.
Today I was actually thinking more about Christmas than a wedding that never happened. Specifically, last Christmas when Miller had surprised me by cooking all my favorite things. I remembered his ridiculous Santa hat and how we’d laughed and danced all morning. It was perfect. He was perfect. He’d dipped me low to the music and I should have kissed him right there. I should have. But…I hadn’t.
It wasn’t necessarily a mistake. I was trying my best to be loyal. But if I knew what I did now…I would have put my happiness first. I knew that now.
I looked back down at the picture in my hand. When I stared at Matt’s face…all I saw was a teenage kid. A kid who didn’t know what forever meant. It wasn’t his fault. We were both dumb kids.But I didn’t want some boy with empty promises. I wanted a man who knew exactly what he wanted. I wanted Miller.
I knew it without a doubt in my mind. I dreamed of waking up next to him. Of running along the beach with him in the summer. Of raking leaves and jumping into them in the fall. Of hot cocoa mornings in the winter. And curling up and reading with him in the spring, with him sniffling because of his adorable spring allergies. I missed him so much it hurt. And it hurt every day even more.
I was happy I came here to give myself time. I did grow here. I grew stronger. I grew up.
My hair was blonde again. My cheeks were still hollow, but my appetite was back. I was healthy. And I knew how to be happy.
I just hoped I wasn’t too late. I let the breeze lift Matt’s picture out of my hand. It danced in the wind and landed in the ocean, where a wave crashed down on it.
Please don’t let me be too late.
Runaway - Chapter 28
Thursday - Christmas
Christmas music played on the car radio and a light snow had started to fall. It had been four months since I watched Miller drive away from the beach house. He’d asked me to come with him. He told me he loved me. He asked me to choose him.
And I didn’t. I let him walk away. That last look in his eyes haunted my dreams. I didn’t want to live a life of regret. But I did regret not going with him. I was pretty sure I’d regretted it every day I’d been on the west coast. The beach wasn’t the same without him. Life wasn’t the same without him. I knew that now. But what if I’d realized it too late?
I hit my blinker and took the exit off the highway. The snow was starting to fall faster now, and I hoped that I’d make it to Miller’s place before it became impossible to drive.
I also hoped that Miller was still at the lake house I’d arranged for him to go to.
What if he wasn’t?
Or what if he was and he’d moved on?
My dad had shown me pictures of Matt kissing other girls only a few months after I had “died.” Would Miller move on that quickly too?
I hadn’t stayed away to test him. I’d stayed away to figure out what I wanted. To make sure I was doing the right thing for me.
But I knew it was possible that Miller had found someone that was a better fit for him during that time. I’d abandoned him for months. And I knew I was replaceable. I’d seen it happen before.
Honestly, this whole thing was crazy. I was about to show up at Miller’s on Christmas morning and confess my love for him. Yeah, it was completely nuts. I’d told him I was choosing Matt. I didn’t even know how old Miller was. Hell, I didn’t even know his first name. But I did know that I was in love with him.
I’d felt this way once before. With Matt. I wasn’t discounting my first love. That had been real for me. And I’d dreamed of Christmases with Matt. I’d thought we’d spend every Christmas for the rest of our lives together. I’d wanted that. It was all I wanted. Until…it wasn’t. I thought a part of me would want to head to New York when I started driving. But I didn’t. I’d mourned that loss for months. It was almost like Matt was dead. Like I had to let him go. A piece of me would always love that boy. Always. It was love, I knew that. I loved him. But it was past tense. He’d moved on. He didn’t love me anymore. And I couldn’t afford to keep missing a boy who didn’t miss me back.
Because this feeling I was feeling now? I was in love again. And of course it was different. But it wasn’t any less. If anything, the feelings I had now were more all-consuming. It was scary how much my heart craved Miller. Especially because I knew how easily he could reject me.
What if it took me just a little too long to figure out I wanted him back?
What if I was too late?
The snow started falling harder. I leaned forward, straining my eyes to see through the fast pace of the windshield wipers and snowfall. It was so hard to see that I almost missed the next turn.
I slowed down so I wouldn’t miss his driveway. 2761. I looked down at my map even though I knew his address by heart. There had been so many times when I thought about writing a letter to him. Letting him know I was safe and missing him. But I was worried about the paper trail. And more worried that I couldn’t trust myself with his response. Or lack of response. It had kept me away longer than necessary. The unknown was terrifying.
I turned onto his driveway and slowly made my way down the long path.
My tires skidded a little as I hit the brakes. I’d made it just in time before the roads became impassable.
As soon as I turned the car off, I shivered. I hadn’t packed any winter clothes. I hadn’t needed any in California. All I had was a raggedy old hoodie barely keeping me warm. I was wearing the same jeans that I now knew hugged my butt. And my Keds that were a little stained from sandy nights on the beach.
