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I laughed and kissed his cheek. “Yes, we’re almost at the zoo.” Soon I wouldn’t be able to understand a word he said. I needed to take lessons from Mrs. Alcaraz too if I was going to keep up.

Jacob had been so shy back home. But he was really coming out of his shell here. He loved Mrs. Alcaraz and Kennedy like they truly were related to him. I knew I’d been coddling him. Sheltering him from the real world. But he was stronger andbraver than I even knew. And I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for letting my own fears hold him back.

He should have been in pre-school, socializing with kids his own age. I’d wanted to be enough for him. But…he deserved more than a life of fear. He deserved a real teacher. And friends. I’d been scared of taking any risks, and the worst had happened anyway. I kissed his cheek again.I’m sorry, sweet boy. I’m sorry about all of it.

Jacob pointed up ahead. “The zoo!”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his excitement. He’d never been to the zoo. Or seen many animals other than the neighbor’s cat or dog. And fish in our lake. This was a new adventure. I pressed my lips together. A first experience that Miller would miss.

“The zoo!” Jacob said again.

I hugged him a little tighter.We’ve got this. Together.

Jacob wiggled in my arms after we walked through the archway. I grabbed us a map and then set him down. He took off at record speed. I ran after him as he ducked and dodged between people on his way to the first exhibit.

He stood at the gates in awe, staring through the bars.

I crouched down next to him. “Those are sea lions.”

“Lions go roar!” he said.

I laughed. “Mhm. But these are more like…seals.”Right?

“Roar!” he said again.

I pictured Miller reading his favorite book about animals to him. The lions went roar. And the made-up bits about monsters going rawr. I pressed my lips together and looked down at the map.

“Okay, little dude. We have…penguins, monkeys, snow leopards. Oh and there’s a tropical zone.”

He looked up at me. “Tropical zone?”

“It’s like snakes and bats and things.”

His eyes grew round. “Yessie.”

“Okay, let’s head that way first.” I slid my hand into his and we walked past the sea lion enclosure.

The tropical zone was inside. And the air hit me with a memory. But this one wasn’t of Miller. Or Matt. I pictured holding my mom’s hand, just like Jacob was holding mine as we’d explored the Longwood Gardens Conservatory. The air was hot and sticky and with the large trees it almost even smelled the same.

“Mommy,” Jacob tugged on my hand.

I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped walking.

“Sorry. Let’s go see the snakes.” We walked over toward the glass and Jacob peered in.

I saw one slither by and pointed.

His little nose hit the glass as he tried to get closer. He looked so happy. And it was so much easier to smile when he was smiling. I was pretty sure I’d just found his new favorite thing.

We spent the next hour exploring the rest of the tropical zone. And I was happy that Jacob seemed just as interested in the parrots as the snakes. I certainly preferred fluffier animals. Being in here made me feel like my mom was here with us. Or that I was at least getting one of her big hugs. But I could tell Jacob was antsy to go back outside.

“What do you want to see next?” I ruffled his hair. “Grizzly bears? Or…” I pulled the map out again.

“Monkeys,” he said and pointed to a picture of monkeys on the map.

“Good choice.”

We wandered outside and down the walking path. The monkeys were even better than the parrots. But I preferred Jacob’s interpretation. He jumped around yelling “Eee! Eee! Eee!”