Page 55 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 6
The guy reached out for me again.
I took a step back.
“Don’t be a bitch,” the guy said. “We bought you drinks.”
I turned to Heidi and Amelia for help but they’d disappeared somewhere in the crowd.
The guy pulled me back toward him.
Panic rose in my chest. I didn’t like being touched. And I hated when people thought they could use me. Matt used me to make him happy for one season. My dad used me for a kidney. Everyone just used me.
The guy leaned down to kiss my neck again.
I didn’t want his lips on me. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. So I did the first thing that popped in my head…I kneed him hard right in the balls. I have no idea why. He wasn’t being that aggressive. I could have just walked away. But I really fucking hated being touched. It reminded me of being cut open. I didn’t like when people touched me without permission. I hated it.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he yelled.
I don’t know? Everything?I took a step back from him and then started running. I pushed my way through people dancing. I ran out of the club and took a deep breath of the stupid air that wasn’t quite right. Nothing was right.
I ran down onto the beach. I didn’t care that my Keds were getting sandy or wet. I didn’t care about anything at all. Or maybe I cared about everything a little too much.
I stared at the water and yelled as loud as I could. I screamed at the top of my lungs, just like I used to back at the beach house. But I wasn’t screaming because I was trapped now. I was screaming because I wasn’t. I wasn’t trapped. And I wanted to be trapped with Miller.
I was sick.
There was something wrong with my head.
My father had ruined me.
I screamed even louder.
Runaway - Chapter 27
1 Month Later - Monday
I was pretty sure I knew what I needed to do. But I needed just a minute to sit with my thoughts. I stared out at the ocean and closed my eyes. The problem was, I could never clear my head. I thought about Miller constantly. Obsessively. I pictured him alone, missing me. I pictured him happy with someone else. The only constant was that I was picturing him. He was always in my head. Always on my mind.
I’d become complacent here for a while. I’d thought happiness was some bonus thing that some people got. But that was such bullshit.
I hated drinking. It made my head spin and my limbs feel heavy. But a month ago when I went out with Heidi and Amelia, I’d gotten clarity. The clarity I had been searching for. I wanted to be dancing with Miller. I wanted to keep dancing with Miller for the rest of my life. I wanted to be happy. It wasn’t a bonus thing. Happiness was living. It was the only thing that mattered at all.
But even though I’d come to that conclusion, I’d stayed here. As if time would change my mind. It hadn’t. My thoughts had settled. And now it was time to say goodbye.
The cold December breeze should have made me shiver. But I just stood there staring at the water. This was it. I was going to leave today. I had to.
I’d tried the living on my own thing. I’d given it a chance. And I’d come to the conclusion that I didn’t want to be alone anymore.I wasn’t happy here. I hadn’t been happy since I’d driven away from Miller.
Yes, I probably was sick in the head. No one should like being imprisoned. But I’d trade everything to go back to that beach house. I wished I’d chosen him. I’m pretty sure I let him go because he was too good to be true.
We’d been playing house. But somewhere over those months, I’d stopped pretending. It was real for me.
I pulled the picture of Matt out of my jeans pocket and stared down at his smiling face. A year ago today, we were supposed to be married. Last year, I’d been devasted. But this year?
Memories had a strange way of shifting around once something bad happened. Every day that passed made it harder for me to remember the good. I pictured Matt angry and disappointed at me more than I pictured him happy with me. And I pictured him with that brunette more than I pictured him with me. Something was probably wrong with my head. But several months of remembering the worst?
I stared out at the crashing waves. Of course I was still sad. I’d wanted to marry Matt when he’d asked. I had. I’d meant what I said when I promised him forever. But I’d also made promises to myself. I refused to let life pass me by in a meaningless blur. I wanted to start living again. And living missing someone else was no way to live. It took me a while to figure out the mess in my head. But I’d always known that my promises to myself were a lot more important than promises to someone else. Because I was the only one that was ever going to put myself first. I didn’t need another kidney to be stolen to learn that lesson.
Matt didn’t love me. I believe he had at one point, but he didn’t now. My heart hurt less every day I let that sink in. We weren’t an everlasting love. We weren’t. And this December 22ndhurt a lot less than the last. This one just felt…empty and meaningless. In a way I was relieved. It would have been a mistake to walk down the aisle when Matthew Caldwell’s love was fleeting. I’d dodged a bullet. At least, that’s what I liked to tell myself. It was for the best. And the more I told myself that, the more I believed it.
