Page 20 of Love, Nemesis
The rain pattered around them, lulling Ana into a trance. She tried to savor the moment, listening to the thunder churn as she bottled down her uneasiness for what she knew might be the last moment of peace for a long time.
She could feel Jasper’s concern, and maybe he saw the cracks in her armor, but she knew he didn’t understand them.
He thought Dal Hull had scarred her and made her withdraw from the world, but these cracks weren’t from the outside world. She was breaking from the inside—a malfunction in her humanity finally exposing itself after all these years. Her damage was fundamental.
She eased away from him and stood, brushing a strand of wet hair away from her face. “You were right. Let’s get out of the rain, but I’m not ready to head back yet. Is that all right?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked, following her to the shed.
Ana chuckled as she sat down under the cover of the shed, leaning back against her saddle. “Yes. Thanks.”
Jasper sat down beside her again, facing her as she sat toward the exit. “You remember when that girl—what was her name? Looked like a bear.”
Ana bit the corner of her lip to hide a smile, eyes still cast out toward the rain.
“What was her name?” Tone unusually jovial, Jasper examined her face as if for the slightest sign that he would lift her mood.
“I’m not telling you.”
“Why not?” he prodded, nudging her gently. “I can’t tell the story unless you give me her name.”
“You just called her a bear. I’m not giving you her name.”
“Look, there’s nothing wrong with looking like a bear, but she acted like one too. If she were a little nicer, I probably wouldn’t think of her as the bear. She made fun of you for not being assertive enough or something like that, remember?”
“Yeah. She said I was giving women in the Numbers a bad name because I was a pushover.” Ana collected her hair over her shoulder and wrung it out. “Said I should go have a bunch of children and take care of a house instead.”
What a wonderful life that would have been, Ana thought.
“And then we got attacked by those Mystics,” Jasper continued. “You took out half of them and then had to carry bear girl halfway up the mountain because she broke an ankle.”
Ana started braiding her hair absentmindedly, still facing away from Jasper. Her hands hid her face from him.
“I know you like that story,” he added, and she glanced past her wrist to see him grinning.
She looked away. “I only had to carry her because you wouldn’t.”
“Yeah, and you couldn’t have convinced me to.”
“I know. I tried,” Ana said, faking a tone of frustration.
“I knew you’d be so proud of yourself if I let you do it on your own. I looked straight up that incline and knew it was a job for you. You’re always looking for ways to uh,” he coughed, “torture—oh, I mean better yourself.”
She rolled her eyes at his jokes, but he leaned over, peering past her shoulder to catch the smile on her face that she tried to bite down.
She could no longer restrain herself and laughed when she saw his attentive expression, peering warily into her line of vision. He returned a victorious smile, having broken her from a mood most would never have even noticed in her. She rested her hands on her knees, posture open now.
“Thanks for coming, Jasper,” she said, moving her thumbs over her knees. “I have missed this.”
“Yeah, me too,” he said, allowing the silence to linger for a moment. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling of the old shack. He folded his hands behind his head beside her, eyes narrowing through the patchy roof that offered only adequate shelter from the rain. “Did you find what you were looking for out there?” Jasper asked after a while. “The meaning of all of this? Life?”
“No,” Ana replied as if he’d asked any other question.
Jasper seemed to sit on the answer before replying softly, “It’s okay if you don’t find the answer before your time runs out. I know you were hoping seclusion in that cabin might give you the space you needed to figure it all out.”
“Maybe this last mission was the answer I’ve been waiting for,” she whispered, staring out into the rain. “Life has never made any sense to me. Maybe this will be it.”
“Maybe,” Jasper said, but he seemed doubtful. “So, we’re really setting off to find Ares tomorrow?”
