Page 97 of Love, Nemesis
Ana followed her eyes. They’d transferred her time into a new one, but she could tell by Mech’s silence when she picked it up that there had been a great cost in her last battle.
She checked the remaining time.
Neither of them spoke. She had less than a week left.
“Jasper said you were doing everything you could to fight back. It was damaged in the struggle,” Mech said after a long while.
Ana’s memory felt muted by the painkillers, but she remembered the last few minutes of her struggle.
“This doesn’t have to be a defeat. You’ve done a hero’s job. It’s because of you that we have some small chance of preparing for what’s coming,” Mech said.
“I’ll never see him again,” Ana whispered.
“His time prevented you from dying there on the field. Please think of that as his parting gift, Ana.” After a moment, she added, “I would suggest you start to make your arrangements. Now, I have other patients to check in on, but I’ll be back in an hour, all right?”
Ana nodded, and Mech left them in silence. Ana kept looking down at the Atlas in her hand.
“He blamed himself,” Diane said. “Apparently, the Mystics needed more convincing to take you with them, and he couldn’t risk you acting out again like you did. He was afraid they might try and kill you. That’s what he told the Statesmen who picked you up. I wish I would have been there to tell him how wronghe is to take full responsibility for it all. I thought he knew you better.”
“Why did he have to lie to me?” Ana said without thinking, an expression of some perplexed part of her soul.
“Ana,” Diane snapped impatiently.
Ana glanced up at her to see a fierce truth in Diane’s dark brown eyes. Ana wondered what she’d done to invite such a response. In their early work together with Jasper and Rule, Diane had always been fierce and competitive. She wasn’t a woman to mince words.
“Say it then,” Ana said.
Diane searched the hospital room once as if confirming that it was empty. She stood up and walked over to the door before closing it. She walked back to the end of Ana’s bed, standing there with her arms crossed.
“You hardly gave him a choice,” Diane said. “To any normal person, I wouldn’t have to explain this. You shouldn’t have fought back.”
“What do you mean? I should have just surrendered?” Ana argued, shifting in the stiff white gown they’d put her in. Her wound bit back in protest.
“You should have defected,” Diane replied firmly. “Jasper made a smart move. You acted irrationally, and this is where it landed you. Are you proud of that?”
“Am I proud of that?” Ana forced herself to sit up, wincing as her side and body ached from the movement. “Why am I wrong?”
“Because it’s not human!” Diane said. “Jasper has been there for you as long as you can remember. What has the State done for you? But you throw your life away for the State and leave Jasper alone out there with the Mystics!”
Ana didn’t say anything for a long moment.
“I never asked him—”
“You didn’t have to!” Diane said. “And that’s the point. He gave and gave and gave. Anyone in their right mind can see that he’d do anything for you.”
Ana raised her voice. “Diane. I couldn’t just give up everything—give up who I am.”
“So, the State is everything?” she shot back, looking out the window now before a long silence seemed to ease her temper. “As loyal as dogs and we’ll die like dogs.”
Ana stilled, realizing now the source of Diane’s anger.
Neither of them said anything for a moment.
“I’d heard the fighting on the border had gotten bad in Whendon,” Ana said.
Diane didn’t move, that firm, hard stare still focused through the window. “Nothing either of us hasn’t seen before,” she said sharply. “I always hated your brand of idealism, Ana. Always hated it. Hated you when I heard about what happened. It feels like some kind of joke seeing you lying in that bed again. You’rea dog soldier, but what am I if I still follow orders and can’t stand another second of it?”
Neither of them spoke.
