Page 28 of Love, Nemesis
He hopped off his horse, removing its saddle and allowing it to graze before wandering around the pit. He circled it once, twice, drinking as he did.
“Fire and wine,” he mumbled, grabbing a cigarette from his pocket. He chanted lowly, pressing it into a pile of ashes and lighting it on the coals before fixing it in the corner of his mouth. Wrestling a board from the edge, he tossed it into the middle. “A heavy spear on cupid’s bow.” He tossed in a lick of his drink. The fire hissed. He threw in a nearby branch.
He continued to chant as he threw in brush and branches, drinking as a fire built in the pit and grew with each addition he threw in until there was a wild blaze.
He chanted louder as if to match it, laughing with the figures and familiar faces he saw in the flames. “Trade gold for fire and wine!” he shouted. The wind picked up; the forest moved with it.
The fire blazed in his chest and spun dark chatter in his brain. The world twisted and breathed and danced until he felt like there was no divide between his skin and the surrounding air, his feet and the ground beneath him.
His shouting faded into dazed mumbling before stark, violent images flashed around him with almost physical force.
He fell back against a tree. He curled his hand up near his head, dropping the empty bottle and the extinguished cigarette. He gripped his hair in his hands as he rested his forehead against his knees and laughed.
After a moment, he leaned back against the tree, tilting his head up and staring up at the sky, looking for that red balloon from the carnival in his early life, or any other memory that could ferry him away from the present.
The stars waited instead, and he stared, the faint light of sunrise giving him a track of time. He stood up, mouth dry as he used the tree for support. He found his horse, saddling up and hopping on before making his way back toward town.
* * *
Manaj was sitting on the porch by the early dawn light when Lethe rode up.
“Good morning,” he said to Manaj as he rode up near the porch. He waited on his horse but said nothing. The birds could be heard in the distant trees, waking with the sunrise.
Manaj moved out of his chair, limping down the stairs until he was beside Lethe. He offered him a glass of water with a single basil leaf.
Lethe accepted and drank, resting the empty glass on his leg as he waited on the horse.
“You know, I’m still an adventurer,” Manaj said, reaching for the glass again and cradling it in his weathered hands.
“You remind me all the time,” Lethe rasped.
Manaj returned to the porch and grabbed a saddle bag. He approached Lethe, who took it, attaching it with the others as he avoided Manaj’s eyes.
“Sometimes I think it would be nice to go off again, see the big, new world since the Great Light’s changed it all. I get a little restless. You know, I once jumped on a horse as it was running by, rode it throughout the night to what’s now Fort Nahl. It—”
“Wouldn’t be there if you hadn’t warned them about the Strike. I know, Manaj,” Lethe replied, eyes still set on the horizon.
He lowered his head, exhaling before he saw Manaj nudge an orange against his hand.
Lethe took it, finding the old man’s face to see him smiling. “Don’t hurt too many people, please, and eat that orange now, the peel, the entire thing. You have the breath of a dragon.”
Lethe raised his eyebrows as he took the orange.
“You won’t kill us,” Manaj said, starting the script he used a few nights before. “You won’t hurt a petal—”
“On the most fragile flower. Life is precious. No exceptions. Got it.”
“You skipped a section,” Manaj corrected, promptly.
“It’s fine.” Lethe rolled his eyes.
“You skip lines, and you will forget. Discipline is freedom, Lethe. If you forget discipline, you will slip deeper into the captivity of your other side.”
“Why is freedom so important again?” Lethe mumbled, inspecting the orange as he rolled it in his hand. “Why is slipping into the captivity of my ‘other side’ so terrible?” He quoted Manaj with a casual tone that made light of the words.
“Because if the gluttonous man eats all of the food, he’ll starve. If you want to survive, you need restraint. If you want restraint, you need discipline.”
“Survival.” Lethe sighed. “You act like that’s all I want out of life.”
