Page 144 of Love, Nemesis
There, through the haze of tears, over his shoulder, she saw the sunset, and for the first time, she didn’t feel like it was leaving her behind.
Chapter 36: Gone
EMMA SHEPHERD WAS indeed gone. Lethe knew that, even as he held Ana in his arms. Even having regained the knowledge and perhaps some memory of their shared life, this woman in front of him was not the woman he knew.
No, the one he knew was lost. But this person expressed her soul so much more clearly. When he’d known Emma, she was filled with fears. Emma had always claimed that she didn’t have a good sense of herself, which was why her mutation controlled her so powerfully. Emma had been a prisoner of something. So had he. Now, broken in so many ways, neither he nor Ana were who they used to be, but they’d reincarnated into new people entirely. These new people had new struggles, but so, too, did they have freedom.
Lethe still loved her, loved the woman she’d become in this other life she’d led. Even if she no longer loved him back, she’d finally found herself. If her true self felt nothing for him, then perhaps they were destined to be together for only a season.
He wasn’t assured that the soul he’d fallen in love with hadn’t been another person before. Emma Shepherd could have been her second or third persona. One thing he knew for sure was that this one was her last and he wasn’t sure that he was a part of her final and true identity. Maybe he’d been a stepping stone to her finding who she truly was.
It was strange to him, love. Never had he experienced something both so powerful and so vulnerable all at once. It was havingexperienced it at all, however, that allowed him to be patient in the weeks that followed.
It took time for Ana to embrace this piece of her identity. She was neither the girl whose life she’d lived nor the woman who’d once shared his life, but she slowly seemed to ease into a sense of comfort with that. She was both identities, and perhaps even fragments of earlier ones, all taking shape to express the most accurate version of who she was. Her face did not define her, nor did she put all the pressure on the shape of her body or the quality of her memory and words to express who she truly was. She seemed to know who she was, and that was suddenly enough. For the first time, Lethe noticed peace settle in her.
Her efforts to change this new version of the State seemed to become a reflection of that. She advocated strongly for taking the strengths of all three countries to shape the identity of the government. He found it entertaining how quickly she became a vocal explorer and debater of everything, applying her creative skills to the painting of a new world.
It took her a while to trust him. He understood that.
With Manaj’s guidance and explanation, he and Ana could reach a mutual understanding of his nature as a Strike, and a Strike’s place in this new order. His abilities remained unknown to the rest of the world, and thanks to additional, albeit much smaller, doses of Snake Bite, he found himself able to live in a more moderated, but still entertaining, medium between his own conflicting identities.
As Ares took his place as the Var, and Diane returned to the Mystics, Lethe found himself offered the position as a consultant to the new State’s military forces. Owned now by allthree countries, the military would be repurposed as a tool of exploration. For the first time since The Eating Ocean’s invasion, humanity wondered what lay beyond the far borders of their countries. No longer squabbling over isolated plots of land, they wanted their world back.
Lethe’s own explorations were a lot more specific. He wondered where he fit again in Ana’s world. As everything else fell into place, peace settled, leaving Ana as a central part of his focus. It was difficult to avoid when he could see the concerns and questions moving through her mind.
Her concerns about him being a Strike faded with time, and what replaced it was that warm regard and their connection, building slowly again with every interaction they shared.
He enjoyed watching it develop, her laughter slowly becoming more frequent and richer around him. Perhaps even without realizing it, she stood closer to him, didn’t shrink away when he grazed her hand or moved the hair from her face.
He still took Snake Bite from time to time to manage his impulses, but for a time he abstained almost completely, wanting to see every vivid detail as, day by day, Ana fell in love with him again. Others could see it too. Ana seemed to be the most oblivious out of anyone. There was little question on how he felt about the matter. In part, he’d had to discipline himself away from seeing her still as his wife.
“Lethe.” Ana interrupted his thoughts as he sat in a chair near the window, his head propped up on his hand.
She straightened, closing a book in her hand before setting it on a nearby table. They’d stayed up late at one of the old State-sidevillas, housing provided to Ana by Ares so she could avoid her lengthy rides from Satellite.
Lethe searched the room. “Where is everyone?” he asked.
They’d all come back from dinner in town and congregated in Ana’s temporary home to discuss government. It was a frequent activity for the group.
Ana chuckled, folding her hair over her shoulder. She walked around the desk, wearing a lilac dress similar to the one she’d worn the day they met at the festival, if not the same one. “Hmm,” she said speculatively, sitting on the edge of the table in front of him. She raised her eyebrows.
“What?” he asked, sitting up as he scanned the room again.
“I can always tell when the Strike has gotten the better of you because you aren’t harassing everyone—or me,” she said.
Lethe laughed, rubbing his face. “Sorry.”
“You’re not,” she said.
“You’re right.”
Ana crossed her arms. “You know, Lethe, if we ever tell everyone the truth about you, which we will need to, one day, I think they’d love to know you’ve been reading their thoughts and feelings all along.”
Lethe propped his chin up on his hand, smiling at her as he leaned to rest his elbow on the far armchair. “I’m not reading everyone’s thoughts. There’s a lot more interesting things outthere,” he said. “Plus, you have to admit, I’m a lot more manageable when there’s a lot to keep my mind busy.”
“Yeah, you’re almost normal. I think it actually bothers me,” she commented. Lethe glimpsed her legs as she crossed them in front of him.
His eyes moved back to hers, and he could tell she’d noticed his gaze lingering because she looked away.
