Page 98 of His Last Shot
As I stand at my car and watch all four of them drive away, I study this bar that has been a part of my life since I was a kid. I grew up here, met incredible humans who are now my family, and it brought me Johnny. For those reasons alone, it will always hold a special place in my heart. But now, it’s my past. And I'm forced to forge ahead.
To a future without Johnny.
28
Four AM
Johnny
One year since the breakup
My alarm goes off at its usual time. Four am. I’ve been getting up this early since my life ended a year ago.
Waking to the darkness is what I need right now. It’s just me, my depression, my thoughts, and my loneliness. Granted, I have my family still. They are safe and none the wiser because of the decision Rachel and I made that day.
Dexter held true to his word. My family hasn’t been touched, and I haven’t noticed them being tailed or followed. I did, however, talk to Scott about installing a better security system at the house. His was outdated anyway, and I was so grateful he listened.
After I left the bar that night, I went to the liquor store, bought some Jack Daniels, and drank myself into a stupor. Something I haven’t done since Daytona. I cried alone in my house and didn’t sleep a wink. Also, I blocked her number. Which was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But it’s better this way. Safer.
I stumbled into work the next morning, my clothes rumpled, my hair a mess, looking like I’d been run over by a truck; the smell of stale booze and desperation clung to me. Scott noticed right away and asked what was going on. Praying thatI was convincing enough, I told Scott she ended things and proceeded to lie to my cousin for the first time in our whole lives.
He bought it.
As luck would have it, he was distracted and needed advice on how to handle a situation with Jake. Turns out Jake was feeling neglected within the family because of all the attention Mallory receives due to her special needs.
I offered the baseball tickets to Scott. The ones I got for Rachel. We made plans to go with Micah and Shelby, but instead, sitting behind home plate was Scott, Laura, Jake and myself. I told Scott that I didn’t want to talk about Rachel, and he respected that. I let myself have a good time that day, but my heart was still on the dance floor at Dexter’s.
The day after, I cleaned up the disaster that was my garage and started on a new pool table. I spent every free second building a table exactly like the ones at Dexter’s. Somehow, I love it more than my previous one.
Because it reminds me ofher.
Now, it’s waiting for me.
After shutting my alarm off, I swing my legs off of the bed and go about my normal morning routine. It’s like walking through mud. My life. Nothing feels right without Rachel by my side.
By four fifteen, I’m out in my garage, shooting pool.
It’s the only place where I’m at peace.
29
Shine Bright Like the Star You Are
Rachel
Two years since the breakup
“Rachel. Josephine. Garcia.”
The nursing director, Cindy, from the admissions office, calls my name as I make my way to the stage to get my diploma.
Today, I am officially a nurse.
A thunderous roar fills the air from the crowd, full of excitement. I shake hands with Cindy as she whispers to me, “I told you it would be worth it.”
She’s right.
As I scan the mass of people, I zero in on my brother and Shelby, who is holding my new baby niece. I can’t help but smile as the OBGs clap and make a total scene.
