Page 94 of His Last Shot
Our hands still intertwined yet recoiling with each step. Neither of us wanting to let go.
We reach out, our fingertips grazing until the very last moment.
She presses in some buttons, and Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” fills the air. I extend my palm out and open, and she takes it. With a playful spin, a light chuckle escapes her lips, a sound as sweet as summer berries, lightening the heavy mood and moment.
This song is one of Rachel’s favorites. We have listened to Joni on repeat when we would close the bar. Something else that will soon be a distant memory. The song is five minutes and forty-five seconds long, which is the remaining time I have left with my love.
And I plan on savoring every single millisecond I have her in my arms.
I wove my fingers through hers, then nestle our joined hands close to my chest. My other hand presses gently onto her lower back, tugging her to me until her curves melt into me. She places her head on my chest, and our feet sway to the music. No words are spoken. There’s no point. All either of us wants is to bask in this moment.
Our entire relationship plays on a loop in my mind. The first time I saw her tending bar. How we spent that night under the stars and kissed for the first time. Our first real kiss in her house after I washed her hair. When I took herto register for nursing school. How, after every tournament win, she would run into my arms, making me feel like the most important man in the whole world.
I would die for this woman. Walk through fire for her. My life means nothing without her in it.
But both of us know what we need to do. To ensure my family’s safety, we willingly make this sacrifice, no matter the cost.
And the cost is too much. Too expensive. It’s bankrupting my soul.
Her tears, hot and salty, soak through my shirt as soft, heartbroken sobs never-ending. Overcome with emotion, a single tear rips from my eye, slides down my cheek, and lands in her soft brown hair. The rest of the world falls away as we plunge ourselves into this last moment together. She hooks her arm over my shoulder, and I shiver as her fingers graze the nape of my neck.
The power of her touch.
I don’t know how to live without it.
Five minutes and forty-five seconds comes and goes way too fast because, before we know it, the last note fades, leaving nothing in its wake. Neither of us lets go. Our feet stop moving, and we stand holding each other.
“Rachel,” I whisper. “I should probably go.”
She pulls away from my chest and lifts her eyes to meet mine. The depth of emotion crashes over me like a tsunami, pulling me under. We walk hand in hand to the door slowly, and within seconds we are standing at the entrance. I take her face in my hands and lean in. Our lips brush as they did that first night in my truck. The memory pinches in my chest as the kiss deepens with a breathless urgency, perfectly matching the intensity of the moment.
We break apart, both of us panting, our chests heaving and our hearts pounding.
“I love you. So much.” Her declaration? Breathy and sad.
“I love you too.”
My hand reaches for the door handle, ready to leave. “Promise me something.” Her words burst forth, pleading as her grip shoots out to stop mine.
“Anything.”
The pained look in her eye tells me I will not like this.
“If happiness knocks on your door,” she says, swallowing hard as she composes herself, “if a new relationship comes knocking, promise me you’ll answer.”
I gulp. Hard. She grabs my face with her hands. “Listen to me,” she pleads.
We stare.
“Who knows how long we will be apart. You deserve love and happiness, Johnny. So if it comes, take it. I would understand.”
And she would. Somehow, some way, she would find out, and it may hurt, but she would be happy for me. Because that’s who she is. The possibility, though?
Impossible.
“I can’t promise that,” I answer. Confusion flickers in her eyes, replacing the sadness.
I continue. “I’ve already answered it. And you were on the other side. My last shot at love.” Taking her hand in mine, I bring it to my mouth, planting a soft kiss on her palm before laying it against my chest. My heart thump-thump-thumps against her hand. She smiles sadly. “You are right here, Rachel. But I need you to make me a promise.”
