Page 31 of All In
Okay, I’ll stop now. Honest.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that my parents’ divorce was finalized on Friday. They finally stopped the fighting and came to an agreement on things. Funny thing, after the court date, they went and had a drink together. Nothing romantic, just as friends. It was nice, actually. My dad is still working at Nate’s dad’s company and that has led to some tension between Nate and me. I won’t bore you with the specifics, but him and I don’t get along the way we used to, or the way you and I always did. I feel so trapped in this relationship. I know they will fire my dad if Nate and I break up. And my dad is in a really good place right now. His gambling has stopped and he’s dating someone. Plus, I’m justhanging on, hoping things improve. Maybe this is just a rough patch with Nate and me, ya know? All couples have one. Right? Although, we never did. Since you said that it was okay to bring up our relationships, (I promise to follow the new rule) I hope this is okay, Sam, because I need a friend.
Nate doesn’t treat me the way Chad did. But he … well, he can be controlling in his own way. I guess you could say I love him. I don’t really know though, because any relationship I have from here on out will always be compared to ours.
Why do I put this kind of pressure on myself? Why? I don’t think I will ever know.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I hope I haven’t ruined this long-distance friend thing we have. Write soon.
Love, Maria
Jan. 19, 1999
Dear Maria,
I’m surprised you don’t hate me. I’ve let another four months go by without writing. I’m so sorry.
So, about Nate. I won’t ask the question I’m dying to ask because of the rule. The rule I made. I’m so stupid. Anyway, all I’ll say is, I hope you and Nate are doing okay. What bothered me the most about your letter, though, is your unwillingness to put yourself and your feelings first. You have always been that way, Maria. Please don’t do that to yourself. I mean, that’s why you lost me in the first place. You let one relationship go because of your dad. Don’t stay in another one because of him.
I’m going to change the subject. School is kicking my butt. It’s so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I’m burned out. I know that it will be worth it in the end, but man. I am beat.
I promise to write more often. One other thing, Big C is getting married. It’s the same girl that he’s been dating. The one Ricky was supposed to introduce to me. Maybe now, I will find out what his real name is. I have a clue, but I really don’t know.
Sincerely, Sam
March 7, 1999
Dear Sam,
That’s great news about Big C! That night at Dexter’s, even though I had no clue who he was to you, he seemed like a friend. You’ll have to tell me all about it!
You are going to crack up when you hear this! I know that you hate pop music. I went and saw NSYNC in concert! I’m sorry, but I love them. Nate got me tickets as an anniversary gift. Front row!! It was insane! You’re laughing right now, aren’t you? I can totally see your face in my head. You’re rolling your eyes and smirking at the same time. If I was right beside you, you would have started to jokingly make fun of me because I like a band that is supposed to be for teenage girls. I’m right, huh?
Sometimes, I sit back and wonder if you’ve changed at all. You seemed the same at Dexter’s, but that has been almost two years now. Do you still like to watch Friends, Frasier, and ER? Do you still like country music and Michael Bolton? Do you still smell the same?
WOW! It just dawned on me that we have been writing for almost two years. Time flies when it’s spent with those you care about.
Love, Maria
June, 10, 1999
Dear Maria,
Big C is moving back to Georgia. I don’t think I told you, but that’s where he is from. The wedding was this past Saturday, and it went well. It was small. It was just in his backyard, then a dinner after. I liked it. It reminded me of when we would always talk about our wedding. Something small and intimate. That’s what Big C had, and it made me think of you.
You know me Maria; I am a simple guy. I haven’t changed much. I still like Thursday night TV, Michael Bolton is still a favorite and in case you’re wondering, Polish food is still a staple. I could eat halushki morning, noon and night.
Your writing about change made me wonder if you have changed at all. Your horrible taste in music is still the same, but do you still have an aversion to reading books? Do you still watch cheerleading competitions on ESPN? Do you still tape Days of Our Lives if you aren’t home? I wonder about a lot of things with you. All the time.
Yours, Sam
P.S. Cara and I broke up. And Big C’s name is Clerance. He HATES it. So funny.
Sept, 9, 1999
Dear Sam,
I’m sorry to hear about you and Cara. Is asking what happened part of “the rule”? I won’t risk it. Anyway, if it was for the best, then I hope you are at peace with it and are happy. Your happiness has always meant everything to me. I know it’s been a few months since I’ve written. Have you started seeing anyone else?
