Page 98 of All In
Pathetic.
Brielle and Mason have more of a social life than I do.
Doubly pathetic.
I wonder what Amanda and Richelle have going on tomorrow. Maybe a girls’ brunch is in order. We haven’t had one in a while, and I need to get out more. I pause my show before I reach for my phone lying on the coffee table in front of me. I type out a group text to my two best friends.
Me: Hey ladies! Anyone up for brunch tomorrow? Say 11 at Nikki's. My treat.
Their replies come almost immediately.
Richelle: YES! That sounds awesome. I’ve been craving their chicken and waffles.
Amanda: I’m there.
Me: Perfect! See you both then.
I sit my phone down, pleased with myself that I’m at least attempting to get out. On a normal Sunday, you can find me at home cleaning my house. However, a mimosa with some pancakes and girl time sounds downright divine.
I’m mentally picking out my outfit for tomorrow as I readjust myself and snuggle back into the couch. As soon as I hit play, Jack kisses Rebecca.
I groan at the TV.
“Will you please stop looking at her Instagram? You’re torturing yourself, and it’s not healthy,” Amanda pleads as she raises the flute glass to her red-tinted lips and sips her strawberry mimosa. We are at Nikki’s, enjoying brunch and each other’s company out on their closed in patio dining. The tall heaters are ablaze on this chilly February day, spreading a comforting heat throughout the space.
“I know. I know,” I say as I continue to scroll through pictures that I have looked at thousands of times. After I crawled into bed last night, I opened up Cara’s page because, of course, I did. She had posted a new picture only an hour before. A black-and-white of their hands intertwined, resting on his thighs. The caption read, ‘Nothing better than a quiet evening with my man.’
Whatever.
One thing that caught my attention was the absence of a ring on her left finger.
Thank God.
“You need to stop. You’re borderline obsessed. It’s been a year and a half now, Maria. You need to let go.” Now it’s Richelle’s turn to chastise me as I hold my phone in my hand, scrolling. I ignore her because I know she’s right. As I pass the pictures from last year, a tightness builds in my chest. Him, Cara, and Mikey at Cedar Point Amusement Park, standing in front of the entrance. One big happy family.
“That’s it!” Before I can react, and with lightning-fast reflexes, Amanda grabs my phone out of my hand.
“Hey!” I reach across the table to try to retrieve it as she yanks her arm away. She taps a few times on the screen and hands it back to me.
“There. Done.”
I look at the phone, and it’s back to my home screen. My kids and I smile back at me. “What did you do?”
“I blocked her account. And I know you can unblock her, but I’m begging you not to. I’m worried about you, Maria. Constantly looking at those pictures is doing nothing but making you more depressed than you already are.”
I raise my voice in shock. “I’m not depressed!”
Richelle raises an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yes, really. I have my kids, my job, you guys, my …” I trail off because, well, that’s kinda it. But I need to clarify. “Honest, guys, I’m not depressed. I’m lonely. That’s two different things.”
Amanda reaches across the table and rests her hand over mine, empathy etched on her face.
I elaborate. “You guys need to understand. There is this pull with Sam and me. I can’t explain it. I know he hasn’t been mine for a really, really long time, but he will alwaysfeellike mine. As if we belong together. We’ve done this same back-and-forth for so long now, and he was my best friend. And just when it feels like it’s our time, Cara happens. And now, it feels like I’ve lost him forever.I know that sounds stupid and juvenile, but it’s the truth. So, seeing him with her, looking happy, is like a knife to my heart.”
Richelle reaches for my other hand. My girls. My friends. My support. “That doesn’t sound dumb.” Her tone is soft. “It sounds like you still love him.”
A single tear leaves my eye and trails down my cheek. “I always will.” I shrug.
