Page 93 of All In
I take a second before I scold myfriends like children. “As much as I appreciate your concern and somewhatweirdpassion about my love life”—who knew they were so invested—“you’re not helping.”
Big C speaks first. “Sorry, man.”
Ricky follows. “Yeah. Sorry.”
After that awkward display, I feel like I need to defend myself. And my feelings for both women. I address Big C first. “Look, I know you’re a fan of Cara, but Ricky has a point. Maria is the love of my life. I have been in love with her since I was sixteen. No one knows me better, and other than you two, she is my best friend. She’s incredible, she’s smart, she’s fiercely loyal to those she loves, even to her own detriment. It makes me sad that you never got the chance to know her or see what I see.”
“Remember whose fault that is,” he says flatly as he finishes his beer.
He’s right.
I turn to Ricky. “And I know if I wasn’t interested in Maria all those years ago, you would have gone for her.”
He chuckles. “You better believe it. She’s amazing.”
“She is.” I stop to gather my thoughts. “But so is Cara.” Ricky’s eyes meet mine, and I can feel the weight of his attention. “She is probably the most independent, confident woman I know, which is so sexy. When she loves someone, it’s with everything she has. And yes, she’s into her looks, but, when I’m with her, she makes me feel like I am her world. And she’s funny as hell.” Ricky grins. “I really hope you find that someday. With someone.”
Big C lets out a long breath and points in Rachel’s direction. “Maybe with her. Because she keeps looking over at your sexy self.”
“I knew it!” Ricky exclaims. As we burst into laughter, the atmosphere becomes light and carefree once again. Ricky finishes his beer and slams it down on the bar. “I’m going in.”
With rapt attention, Big C and I watch Ricky walk over to Rachel with his usual swagger. She’s wiping down the bar as he sits in front of her. We can see him mouth something to her but can’t make out what it is. Her big, toothy smile returns as she leans against the bar, giving Ricky her full andundivided attention. I’m pretty sure she is going to break her own ‘no dating customers’ rule.
Shaking my head, I turn towards C. “How does he do it?”
He shrugs. “Like I said, legend.”
We sit in silence as I finish my drink and ponder what to do with the catastrophe that is my life. Big C must sense my tension. “So, what are you going to do?”
“I honestly have no clue.”
“Well, you need to decide quick. What you’re doing isn’t fair to either of them. If you keep this up, you’ll lose them both.”
I hang my head in defeat at his truth and decide to speak my truth as well. Pain fills my heart as the words spill out. “I don’t trust her.”
He stands and pulls a twenty from his wallet, placing it down on the bar. “Well, then. I think you have your answer.”
I watch him as he leaves, ducking his head as he walks out the door, knowing he’s right.
The pain in my chest is telling me how much this is going to hurt.
Chapter thirty-four
Early November 2018
Sam
It’s been two weeks, and I still haven’t texted Maria back.
I realized a decision had to be made after that night at Dexter’s with Ricky and Big C.
And I’ve chosen Cara.
Day after day, I crafted a text to Maria, my words carefully chosen as I would ask her to meet me. Then, I would delete it. Deep down, I know that as soon as I do this, she will be out of my life. Probably forever. And the thought of that is … heartbreaking. Because despite everything, I’m going to lose my best friend.
Instead, I have chosen avoidance.
And look, I know that I am being a world-class coward right now, but I don’t want to face the music. For the past fourteen days, I have arrived at work early so that I don’t run into Maria. I’ve totally ghosted her and when she finally sees me, she is going to be mad.
