Page 84 of All In
He gives a small wave as the door shuts, the sound echoing in the hall, and I can finally breathe. I collapse against the cool door, and within seconds, Richelle is at my side.
She curses, then asks, “Who in the heck was that gorgeous man?” her tone full of curiosity.
I continue to stand there, staring at the floor, trying to get my bearings.
“He’s—” I stop to consider my answer. “He’s a start.”
Sam
Is it too soon to text? Probably. But I’m going to do it, anyway.
As I walk to my building, my body still buzzing from the best hug of my life, I grab my phone from my back pocket and add Maria’s number to my contacts. I hit the message button and type.
Me: I hope you don’t get into too much trouble for beinglate.
Do I want to do this?My finger hovers over the send button as a yearning builds. Without a doubt, I want to do this.
Send.
I shove my phone back into my pocket, since I’m sure she won’t answer right away. Who knows, maybe her work doesn’t allow her to have her phone with her.
As I enter my building, keyboards clicking, phones ringing, and the usual morning chatter fills the air as I greet the staff. When I round the corner to my office, my phone dings.
A sudden feeling of euphoria rushes through me, making me feel like a teenager again. I throw my bag onto my desk, its weight causing a thud that echoes through the room as I pull out my phone. However, this text is not what I expected.
Cara: I hope you have a great day at work. Can’t wait for tonight. I’ve missed you these last few weeks.
Rubbing a hand down my face, I feel the rough texture of stubble against my palm and sink down into the comfort of my office chair.
Cara.
Cara and I reconnected after my dating app debacle and is the woman I have been seeing. She moved back home, and since then, we have gone out a few times, keeping things between us lighthearted, fun, and friendly.
Then I saw Maria.
And everything changed.
Cara, at one time in my life, meant a lot to me. I would venture to say that I loved her. We dated twice and had a lot in common, and we still do. Our friendship and relationship were always easy, uncomplicated, and freeing. So, when we started texting, then started hanging out, I thought that this is the direction my life should be going. We aren’t official, but could be.
Then I hugged Maria.
I quickly type out a text. I don’t want to cancel on Cara just because of this encounter with Maria. That wouldn’t be fair. And Maria and I … well … we aren’t anything at the moment. All we have is an intense history, a recent five-minute (albeit emotionally charged) conversation, and each other’s phone numbers. That’s it.
Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have asked her for her number. So dumb.Why did I do that?
I finish out the text, not wanting to overthink this.
Me: Thanks! You too. And tonight should be fun.
I heave my phone onto my desk, and it hits with a thud, the landing echoing in the room. A sudden wave of guilt washes over me. Because tonight will be fun. It always is with Cara. But, I don’t know if Iwantit to be fun. And I know why.
Because I just held Maria in my arms. If I hadn’t let go, I’m pretty sure I would have kissed her. That’s what she does to me. I also know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would have let me.
As I try to shake thoughts of kissing Maria out of my mind, I sit down and log onto my computer, the keys clicking beneath my fingertips, getting me into the right frame of mind. While going through my patients’ charts for the day, my phone pings, interrupting my concentration. I raise my eyes from the screen and fix my stare on my phone. The thought of picking it up fills me with apprehension, as if my world has instantly become complicated.
Which woman will it be?
Which woman do Iwantit to be?
