Page 72 of All In
2015
Maria
The gavel hits the round wooden disk that sits beside the judge, echoing throughout the empty courtroom. That sound means only one thing.
I am officially no longer married to Nate Connelly.
I'm free.
I peer over at Nate, and he is putting on his winning smile, shaking hands with his lawyer, and then hugging his parents. Followed by a hug and wink for his current girlfriend.
He wasted no time.
After my conversation with my dad a year ago, Amanda got the ball rolling. A week later, while Nate was at work, I packed up my and the kids’ things and moved in with my mom. He came home to a note and divorce papers waiting for him. Along with a sink full of dirty dishes, a trash can that was overflowing and smelled, an unmade bed, a load of his clothes in the washer (no doubt collecting mildew since they had been in there for about forty-eight hours), and a dirty bathroom. Of course, as retaliation, he made sure the entire neighborhood knew it washimwho kickedmeout. ThatIwas the reasonhewas miserable. Poor Nate.
Whatever.
The opinion of his friends means nothing to me. Not anymore.
As I stand here, lots of feelings wash over me. Sadness at the end of a marriage I tried hard to be perfect at. Anger that Nate forced this by not being able to keep his hands to himself. Bitterness toward him, which I don’t think will ever really go away.
A sense of loss, because even though he was who he was, a small part of me loved him.
But mostly relief that this is over and an immense amount of pride in myself. For being brave enough to put myself and my children first. To stand up for me. Probably for the first time in my whole life.
I’m free.
But the new me is now a single mom of two and a divorced forty-year-old woman who now has to start fresh.
Thanks to Amanda and Elias, I have been able to accomplish exactly that. They have helped me in so many ways. And for that reason, I tear my eyes away from my past and turn to my friends, hugging them both.
“Thank you for everything,” I say as I wrap my arms around my best friend.
“Anytime.” Amanda pulls back and smiles sweetly at me. I turn my attention to Elias. He brings me in for a hug as well. We break apart, and I see him grab Amanda’s hand as they lace their fingers together.
“So, what’s next for you?” he asks. I shrug as I watch Nate leave the courtroom, his arm slung over his girlfriend’s shoulder. The way he would always do with me.Nate and his family didn’t so much as give me a second glance.
Good riddance.
“Well, right now, I’m going to pick my kids up from my mom’s, grab some pizza, and watch a movie back at the condo.”
My condo. The first home that is truly mine. I haven’t vacuumed the carpet in over a week, there’s a layer of dust on just about every surface, and dried toothpaste on the bathroom sink.
It’s unbelievably liberating. “You sure you don’t want to get some dinner with us? We can celebrate,” Amanda singsongs.
“No, I’m good. I really just want to be alone with my kids tonight.”
“Okay, call me tomorrow, though.” I smile as she kisses me on the cheek. We say our goodbyes, and I watch her and Elias walk hand in hand out of the courtroom. Right before the doors close, they sneak a quick peck on the lips, and a desire swells in my chest.
I want that.
I need that.
A love where you can sneak secret hand holds, longing glances, and kisses as a way to tell the other person, ‘I’m here. I got you.’
I had that once.
As with everything in my life, my thoughts always seem to drift to Sam. I’m sure he’s married or with someone by now, happy. Which, if that’s the case, I’m happy for him.
