Page 37 of All In
“Sam, please don’t,” she begs. Her hands betray her request and land on my arms. Her grip tightens, not letting go, even though she knows she should.
“Don’t what? Tell the truth?” Memories of us in this shed flood my mind, and I want to recreate every one of those moments. This is only the second time I have held her sinceThe Chadletter. All I want to do is kiss her within an inch of her life and show her how much I love her.
But I won’t. That doesn’t stop our foreheads from coming together like magnets. Our breathing is getting heavier.
“Don’t marry him,” I whisper. “Marry me.” I do not know where that came from, but it’s how I feel. It’s what I want. Her head whips back, and I find myself under the scrutiny of her piercing eyes.
“Sam, I can’t—”
“Yes, you—”
“No. I can’t.” With determination, she shoves me away and steps backward toward the door. My arms suddenly feel empty. I put my hands in my pockets to stop myself from reaching out to her again. “My parents are finally in a good place, Sam. Financially.” She swallows hard, taking her time to gather up with the right words.
This is excruciating.
“Plus, Nate’s dad just gave my dad a huge promotion and a raise to help, in spite of his disability.” She pauses again. “Nate loves me, Sam.”
“Not as much as me.” My body rises from confidence in my statement.
“But he does. And I can’t hurt him.”
What did she just say?
My jaw is on the floor.
I huff out a breath and turn my eyes toward the ceiling. “So, you can’t hurt him, but you had no problem hurting me.”
“That’s not what I meant,” she retorts as she reaches out to me, sensing her statement hurt me. I step back, hitting my legs on a bicycle behind me.
Neither of us speak for a few minutes. She takes this as her cue to leave and turns, grabbing the handle to the door. “Do you love him?” I blurt out, not ready for this reunion to end.
She pauses, not answering me, so I continue. “You said he loves you, but you didn’t mention if you love him.”
She turns, drawing her attention back to me. She’s picking at her nails. “It’s not about being in love with him.”
“Oh,really? Because last I checked, people should be in love when they get married, Maria. How is that fair to him? How can you marry someone you aren’t in love with? Please, make it make sense.”
“It’s everything!” she shouts, causing me to flinch at her outburst. She paces in the little floor space she has beneath her feet. Four steps up. Four steps back, still going to town on her nails. “It’s my parents spending way too much money on this wedding when they are just getting back on track. It’s my dad working for his dad. Mr. Connelly would fire him, Sam. It’s about Nate and how this would look for him—”
I hold up my hand. “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” She stops pacing and stares at me, motionless. I take a deep breath to steady myself and get my anger under control. “How would this look forhim? Did you seriously just say that? Is any of this about you, Maria, and what you want? Any of it?”
Her eyes drop again as she wraps her arms around herself, seeking a sense of security. “It’s complicated.”
“Famous last words.”
The silence returns to this humid box, neither of us knowing what to say or what will happen next. My brain is racing with a million thoughts. It’s obvious where her head is, but I need to know if I can reach her heart. I’m not ready to give up on us. Not here in our shed.
Without a second to think, I rush, grab her by the waist, and pull her toward me. She lets out a yelp but doesn’t resist. Her eyes immediately land on mine, and her arms wrap around me. “Maria, what do you want? Right here, right now, in our shed, in my arms.” We are both panting. “What. Do. You. Want?” She doesn’t answer, biting her lower lip in contemplation.
I decide to continue because she needs to know the truth. “Because I can tell you what I want. You. Every day, all day. You, in my life. You, with my ring on your finger. You, waking up next to me every morning. You, carrying my children.” She lets out a gasp, and the tears return, spilling over her lashes, landing on her cheek in a silent cry. “Only you.” I wipe away her tears with my thumb and cradle her face in my palm. Her skin is both cold from the tears and warm from the heat in this shed.
God, I want to kiss her so badly. But I won’t cross that line. She belongs to someone else. “Maria, this isn’t about me. This isn’t about Nate or your parents. Choose yourself. Chooseus.” I plead with her. I beg. “Please.”
Time seems to stand still as I wait for her answer.
Suddenly, though, her body answers for her as she goes rigid and stiff. Her hands slowly make their way to my chest, and with a gentle touch, she pushes. I uncoil my arms from her waist as the realization of her decision comes into clear focus, and we both take a step back. The heat is now replaced with a cold, chilly distance.
“I know you won’t understand, Sam. But I can’t be selfish with this. Too many people are involved. And I do love you, Sam. I do.” The tears are now pouring down her cheeks, unstoppable. “So much it hurts. What I want more than anything is to leave this shed with you and start the life we talked about years ago. But I can’t.” She pauses, trying to collect her thoughts. “I’ll always remember us. I’ll never forget.” She brings her hand to her mouth and sobs. “I’m so sorry.”
