Page 33 of All In
Dear Maria,
I honestly can’t believe you said yes. April 2nd sounds perfect. I don’t think I have any plans and even if I did, I would make sure to be there. How about we meet at Bistro 1845 around 11:00? I hope that works.
Yours, Sam
P.S. sorry this one is short. I have a huge paper due and I’m really behind. We will talk soon, though. In person.
March 22, 2000
Dear Sam,
I’ll be there!! I’m sitting here grinning from ear to ear. I can’t believe in a little over a week I’m going to get to spend some time with you. Writing letters is one thing, but being together and talking face to face is something completely different. Plus, I miss my best friend.
Also, I’ve been dying to eat at Bistro 1845. I’ve heard they have amazing pancakes! I wonder if they are as good as yours? I guess I’ll find out!
Love, Maria
P.S. T minus nine days and counting.
Chapter twelve
June 2001
The Shed
Sam
Maria didn’t show.
Over a year has passed, and the memory of that day still lingers, haunting me. April 2nd, 2000. I waited in Bistro 1845 for three hours. The hardest thing was deciding to leave, fully aware she wouldn’t be coming. I lost her again, and the ache in my chest became unbearable.
As soon as I walked through my front door, I felt an overwhelming urge to write her a letter, and so I did. I knew there had to be some sort of reasonable explanation for why she stood me up. Her letters sounded so hopeful and full of excitement at the idea of seeing me again. I mailed that letter and a letter every week for two months … with no reply.
I have no clue what happened. Time has passed, but the ache remains fresh, more than a year later. Thousands of questions plague me.
Why did she change her mind?
Did Nate find out about our writing to each other?
Has she finally moved on?
I eventually decided that I had to stop torturing myself, and it took me the entire summer and fall to clear my head of what happened. To let her go … athird time. In the new year, Cara and I reconnected and started dating again, until she took a job in California. I can’t blame her for leaving the area. Saying goodbye to her was difficult, and the allure she holds over me will always be there. She was a pleasant distraction from the hurt.
But now I understand I need to concentrate on my future. Move forward. Which is what I’m doing. I recently got my master’s in science, which gets me one step closer to becoming a psychologist. I have also applied to doctorate programs. Amazingly enough, three accepted me. Ohio State, University of Michigan, and Georgia State. Who would have thought that I would go from a grocery store manager to a PhD student? Certainly not me.
Big C’s excitement about Georgia is over the top, and he is really pushing for me to accept there. Who knows where I will end up? More than anything, I wanted Maria to be the first to hear this news. The letters I sent to her never made their way back to me. Which means her mom must still live in the same house.
So many times, after she stood me up, I thought about driving over there to fight for her.
But I didn’t.
The desire to see her faded and morphed into a need to talk to her and share with her things about my life. Nighttime was the worst. That’s when she would only exist in my occasional thoughts and linger in my dreams.
Gradually, I sensed the door to my heart closing. But not completely. Maria will always be able to open that door. Also, I kept the same promise to myself.
I haven’t shed a tear for her.
And I won’t.
