Page 26 of All In
OH, MY GOD!
Only feet from my front door, I come to a sudden halt and zero in on the white envelope in my hand. It’s addressed to me, written in Maria’s delicate handwriting.
She wrote me a letter.
When did she send this?I zero in on the post stamp, and it’s dated three days prior. Holy crap. That means she wrote this the very next day after seeing me at the bar. Which also means, if I wasn’t so forgetful about getting my mail, I could have read this three days ago.
That same euphoric feeling I would get when we dated and wrote to each other frequently bubbles up. Letters that were full of love and feelings. Butterflies erupt in my stomach, and my hands immediately feel clammy. I can’t contain my excitement. I have to share this with someone, and Cara is the only person around. “This is from Maria!” I turn and exclaim with wide eyes, bursting with enthusiasm.
Her nose crinkles as her lips curl upward. “Who is Maria?” she asks, popping her hip out and resting her hand on it.
“My ex,” I say, staring at the letter. “I can’t talk, Cara.” The words spill out of my mouth as I turn and fumble with my keys to open my door. Eager to get inside and tear this open.
“So, what about lun—” I slam the door in Cara’s face. Now maybe she will take the hint.
I throw the rest of the mail on the kitchen counter as I walk to the couch and tear open the envelope. My stomach churns with each step. I sit down and try to compose myself. A thousand questions are swirling around in my head as to what she could say. I peer at the folded letter, her written words in ink peeking through the blue-lined paper. I have no idea what meaning will be behind them.
With my heart full of both fear and hope, I unfold it and read.
Oct. 4, 1997
Dear Sam,
I really hope this is still your address. I know it’s been two years since we communicated this way, so you could have moved. God, I hope not. If this isn’t Sam, throw this away, because this is private and none of your business.
Sam, if this is you, and you got this far, please keep reading because I have a lot to say. And apologize for.
Last night at Dexter’s was surreal, wasn’t it? I’m not going to pretend that being with you again didn’t affect me. It did. More than I anticipated. Then again, you always had a certain way about you when it came to me.
After Nate and I left, I pretended to not feel well, and I went home. I needed to think. About everything. I decided that I owed you the truth. You deserve it. The truth about why I broke up with you. So, I hope you are sitting down, because I think you are going to be surprised.
Here it goes.
I never loved Chad. He harassed and bullied me into dating him. He was emotionally and physically abusive to me. I was miserable and alone the whole time we were together. And I hated every second of it.
Take a minute, sit this letter down and breathe.
She’s right,I need a minute. I can’t help but notice that she has an uncanny ability to understand my needs. No one knows me better than Maria. Her voice in my head is so clear as I read her words, it’s as if she’s sitting right next to me.
I do what she says and sit the letter on the cushion beside me. Leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees, I run my fingers through my hair. Whenever I think back to that day two years ago, all I can remember is the overwhelming anger I felt towards her. How each time I thought about them together, romantically, I almost punched a wall because I thought she wanted it. Now I know the truth. She was miserable.
The desire to punch a wall again is back, but I can’t lose focus because I need more details.
I pick up the letter, hoping to get those answers.
Are you back?
I’m sure what you just read was a shock. So let me explain, from the beginning, what happened.
You remember when I got that job at the warehouse, right? What am I saying? Of course you do. I told you the news, and we went to the mall to buy me some work clothes, then to Olive Garden for dinner and, of course, their breadsticks. You looked so handsome that night.
Anyway, Chad, who was thirty-two years old … wait, did I ever tell you that? I don’t think I did. I remember when he asked me in my interview why I wanted the job. I told him the truth, because you and I were starting a life together. He looked almost angry at my answer, which confused me because I just met the guy. Remember how he offered me the job on the spot? Well, I found out later through my workmates that never happens. Normally, the interview process is long. And don’t even get me started on how much he was paying me. Way more than I deserved. I thought this was a blessing for us. I was so excited that I didn’t see at the time what he was doing. God, I was so naïve. I knew you were leery of the work environment. And at the time, I felt safe. Until I wasn’t.
I hope you’re ready for this next part.
Almost immediately after starting, he asked me out and I refused. And that’s when the harassment started. He was relentless and a pervert. I didn’t say anything to you because I needed the job and I thought I could handle it. But it took a toll on me. I’m sure you noticed that I was distant. I was trying hard to not show it, but no one knows me better than you. When you would ask me if I was okay, I should have told you. But I was so scared.
About six weeks after I was hired, Chad scheduled me an afternoon shift. I never worked in the afternoons, but he assured me that there was no one to cover the shift. It wasn’t until everyone left for the night that he cornered me in the break room and forced me to kiss him while pawing my whole body. I shoved him away and threatened to quit. He laughed at me and told me that if I didn’t date him, he would fire me. I ran out of the breakroom, to my car, and then home to call you and tell you what was happening. I was shaking the whole car ride home. I even pulled over and threw up. At the time, I thought I was never going to go back.
