Page 103 of All In
I want to throw up.
I used to make her laugh like that.
Witnessing them together is taking a toll on me emotionally, and I know why. The only other time I saw Maria in person with a man was at Dexter’s when she was dating Nate and we danced. That night, she looked unhappy, uncomfortable, and out of place. But tonight, she is stunning and alluring. Her face is beaming with joy and confidence. She’s laughing and touching him … because she wants to. She looks genuinely happy.
The way she used to look with me.
And I hate it.
Plus, she looks so phenomenal in that dress, that it’s nearly impossible to avert my attention from her.
Cara starts talking about what kind of fall decorations she wants at her condo this year as I zero in on Maria’s smooth leg when it crosses over the other. Her black strappy high heels and red-painted toenails doing nothing to help curb this desire to touch her.
I clench my hand into a tight fist and grit my teeth in frustration as I glare at my untouched steak. My body language gives me away, and Cara quickly notices my obvious tension.
“Is your steak okay? You’ve barely touched it,” she asks as she pierces a piece of her chicken.
Ugh. I need to tell her who that is. If she finds out I kept that from her and didn’t say anything, well, that would be bad.
I ready myself to deal the blow. “Cara, Channing Tatum’s date over there…”
“Yeah?” She doesn’t glance at me and continues to chew her food, while gathering more pasta on her fork.
“That’s Maria.”
She stops chewing, and I see her throat bob as she swallows her bite. She sets down her fork and reluctantly turns to the happy couple.
Ever since that day at the mailbox at the apartment all those years ago, when she saw my excitement at getting Maria’s letter, she knows exactly who Maria is. And what she meant to me.
Both Cara and I watch them.
They are engrossed in their animated conversation and devour the bruschetta they ordered, savoring it. Geoffrey takes a piece of bread and brings it to Maria’s mouth. She opens her perfect lips and takes a bite. He wipes away something from her chin with his thumb. My nostrils flare.
I force myself to look away, and when I do, Cara’s eyes pierce through me like daggers.
She wipes her mouth with her napkin. “Wow. Jealous much?” Frustrated, she slams the black square cloth down on the table.
“What?! No, of course not.”
“Yeah, okay, Sam.” She pushes away her plate, done with the pasta she was devouring minutes ago.
“It’s just weird seeing her, that’s all.”
“Mm-hmm.” She shifts in her seat. “Or is it because you still love her?” Her eyebrow raises with this loaded question I wasn’t expecting her to ask.
I’m tapping my finger on the table to release this frustration coursing through me. “Cara, you know what Maria meant to me.”
“You’re right, I do. You’ve always been honest about her. But that’s not an answer to my question. Plus, I know you’ve been stalking her Instagram.” I freeze as she nonchalantly shrugs. “I’ve caught you looking.”
Busted.
Leaning forward, I prop my elbows on the table and interlock my fingers. “If I’m being honest, yes. Some part of me will always love her.”
As Cara slumps back in her chair, the weight of my confession washes over her. I should give Cara all my attention while on this date. She deserves it. But no matter how hard I try, my eyes insist on gravitating towards Maria’s table. Meat-head Geoffrey brushes a piece of hair behind her ear. I wince.
Seeing her with another man is stirring up a mix of unexpected sensations in the pit of my stomach. I can’t seem to control my emotions; they’re like a storm raging inside me. Jealousy, rage, and sadness course through my veins. But mostly anger and regret for letting her leave my car that day. I was a coward.
Because, of course, I forgive her. We both have made mistakes in this tangled web that we have created. I could have fought harder for us. I should have. She deserved more empathy for what she was dealing with, both with Chad and Nate. The corners people backed her into, I’m sure, felt suffocating, leaving her no room to maneuver her own life.
