Page 125 of Lost Lyrebird
My survival is now wrapped up in Deeds’ plan, and seeing it out to the end is the only option.
Griz becomes my safe haven.His room becomes a place I can crash on the nights I spend at the clubhouse.He essentially becomes my beard so I can do what I need to while still being considered a clubpiece.
Something about seeing me with Griz sends Stone and Goose completely over the edge.Stone gets angry.He practically stomps around the clubhouse, and whenever I’m there, he goes out of his way to try to make me jealous with any girl he can get his hands on.He even gets into a drunken brawl with a local at Hodge’s Bar.
Goose almost entirely disappears.
His presence at the clubhouse and Wet Tips is sporadic.
When he does show up, he’s a mess: unkempt, hair out of place, clothes wrinkled to hell, and he starts drinking heavily.The intense desire for me is replaced with cold, detached stares, as if I’ve crossed some invisible line and he wants nothing to do with the woman I’ve become.
I’m in the middle of unloading the groceries I purchased for the club, a job I’ve taken on as a clubpiece to help out, when, without warning, the door bursts open behind me.Bodie enters the kitchen like a hurricane, takes hold of my arm, and spins me.
“Ow!What the hell, Bodie?”
The righteous anger catches me entirely off guard.“You tell me.What the hell are you doing, Lily?”He cages me against the counter and spits his response so venomously that I reel back from him.
“Uh-mmm… restocking the pantry and fridge.What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?”
“You’re fucking him up and, from what I can tell, you’re doing it on purpose.”His steely gaze analyzes my face.“What I want to know is, why?”
His accusation is a straight punch to the chest, but I keep my expression as neutral as possible while considering how to reply.
Before I can, he shakes his head and backs away.His eyes travel up and down my body.His glare is glacial when his gaze reconnects with mine.“Don’t fuckin’ act like you don’t know what I’m talkin’ about.”
“Bodie, I’m just living my fucking life.If he chooses to watch me and obsess over what I’m doing, then that’s his business, not mine.”
He gives me a repulsed look, like I’m shit on the bottom of his shoe, and stalks out the kitchen, letting the door slam behind him.
CHAPTER 36
Is the lie worth telling?If so, then is it truly wrong to lie?
FEBRUARY 2008
It’s dawn when I slip out of Griz’s room and head to the first floor.The sun hasn’t fully risen yet, and what light there is casts a pale glow over the remnants of last night’s party.
Griz and I bailed from it early and spent most of the night in his room talking, trading secrets, slow dancing, and smoking the night away, which is what we’ve been doing for weeks now.Occasionally, we hold one another, providing basic physical comfort.It’s all either of us wants or needs: companionship that has nothing to do with sex.Even though we portray something else entirely to the club.All in the name of protecting those we care about.
I even spilled my heart out to him about Goose and our past, which helped lessen the sting of it.Seeing things from Griz’s perspective gave me a better understanding of who this new version of Goose is and what he went through.
Which does make it harder to stay away.But Griz agrees, in the end, it will be Goose’s saving grace.The less he knows about all of it, the better off he’ll be.
I wade as quietly as possible through the mess from the party.The only sounds are the faint snoring of the remaining occupants and the steady hum of the fan in the corner.Otherwise, the clubhouse is eerily still, waiting for these men to rise, meet another day, and cause more chaos.
Griz’s thick socks, which are pulled up to my knees, protect my feet from the cold floor.His vintage Grateful Dead T-shirt smells like Old Spice and cloves, and hits me mid-thigh.It’s something I found in the back of his closet that no longer fits him, and I’ve claimed it for my own.
When I finally locate my phone, which I lost somewhere in between Jager shots, I carefully pry it from the crack in the couch, being mindful of the couple asleep there.
A loud clatter has me nearly coming out of my skin, and I whirl around to see a glass bottle roll across the floor.My pulse quickens not only from the scare, but at finding Goose standing behind me.His eyes are glazed.He’s holding a joint and lazily brings it to his lips as he scrutinizes me.
His hair now reaches past his shoulders, and he looks worse for wear.There’s a hardened edge to him lately.He’s lost weight, has dark circles under his eyes, and his brows are constantly pinched together when he looks at me.Whether it’s the headaches or my perceived indifference triggering the scowl is anyone’s guess, but either way, it’s taking a toll on him.
Griz thinks it’s due in part to Hodge’s death and Goose’s belief that he played a part in it.The loss has hit some of the HOCs worse than others, and it’s obvious that many of them are still grieving.
After taking a pull on the joint, he asks, “So this is you now, huh?”His tone holds a shitload of condemnation, and it’s hard not to become immediately defensive.
I force a caustic smile, trying to brush it off.“Yeah, I guess it is.”
