Page 17 of Ride or Die
“Why did you kiss me, Colton? Am I another notch? Or just some prank? People like you…they don’t go for people likeme. Please don’t fuck with me. I can’t go through that,” I say nervously, my lips still buzzing.
His face contorts with confusion. “What? God no, you’re not a notch, or a prank.” He lets out a deep breath and runs his hand through his thick black hair. “I didn’t mean for all this to come out so quickly, or to kiss you so soon. I just couldn’t help myself any longer.” He lets out another breath, looking visibly nervous while I sit here confused, waiting for an explanation. He turns back towards me and his eyes meet mine, a stormy ocean of color brewing in them.
“It’s time you know that…I like you. A lot. I’ve liked you for so fucking long. Since I saw your family move in. You were wearing your denim overalls, bringing boxes and furniture in with your parents. Your beautiful brown hair braided, bouncing around while you ran to and from the truck, telling everyone what to do, executing your moving plan. Yelling at Simone to stop slacking.”
He chuckles to himself at the memory, looking away for a moment before he looks back at me with sincerity. I just stare at him in shock. There are no words right now.
“It’s cheesy as fuck, I know. But the moment I saw you all those years ago, you stopped me dead in my tracks. I knew then I wanted you. So badly. I just...I didn’t do anything because I’m me and you’re you... you’re too good for a guy like me. I wanted you, but I needed to protect you.” He pauses, contemplating his next words. “Avoiding a friendship and my feelings for you, that was the only way to keep you safe. If we became friends or got together, you would have been on the radar of all these crazy fucks I deal with. They could have messed with you and all your hard work just because of me. I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t ruin you because of my bad choices.”
His confessions make my throat dry and my mouth feel like cotton. I’m in shock. Disbelief. After all these years…Colton likes me too?
If he’s being truthful about his feelings, the fact that he avoided me to protect me is so selfless. It’s crazy to think he did that for me before actually knowing me. As much as I hated being lonely, living in a place like The Shores, you really don’t want to be on anyone’s radar. Dealing with bullies at school was bad enough, let alone the type of people Colton surrounds himself with.
“I’m putting it all out on the table for you, Layla. It’s our final year, and my feelings for you have never gone away. Ever. No matter how hard I tried. So I had to try to get you to see me, to build something with you before we graduate and you are out of my life forever. I had to take the risk now,” he admits quietly.
I bite my lip as he watches me, like he is waiting for me to admit I feel that way about him too. I’m pretty sure he knows that I do.
“I do see you, Colt. I’ve seen you the past ten years too, but like you said, we’re just so different. I had no idea you liked me, too. I figured you were like everyone else, that you hated me,” I confess.
He shakes his head. “I know. I was trying to hide my feelings for you, to protect you. I’ve never hated you. It’s the complete opposite. I like you so fucking much. I know I'm a fuck-up. A thief, a fucking product of The Shores, but I don’t want that life anymore.” His face is serious when he takes my hands in his. “I want out, Layla. Of all of it. I’ll give it all up for you in a heartbeat.”
My mouth drops open. I’m stunned. Colton has liked me for ten years? And kept himself from me in order to protect me from this fucked up world we live in? And now he’s willing to give it all up for me?
I might faint.
“Colt…” I hesitate, tilting my head to look at him. “This is all just so much at once. I’m scared. I’ve never done this. I’venever had a relationship, I’ve never….kissed anyone until you. And then you come out with all this only a few days after we start talking...and it’syou...” I trail off. “I’m overwhelmed. I want to believe it, it’s just hard to…” I look down at our held hands, his touch soothing me.
“I know you are,” he says gently, his thumb making circles on my hand. “I’m scared too. I’ve never been in a relationship either. But we will get through it together.”
I give him a pointed look. “Colt, you’ve fucked the city’s entire female population. That’s far from the inexperience I’m talking about.”
“Hey, just because I was seen with a girl doesn’t mean I fucked her. Did I get around? Yes, but not as much as everyone thinks. I just never corrected them because it adds to the whole asshole badass thing I got going on. But I have not slept with hundreds of girls.”
“I don’t want any part of that world, Colt. The whole crime side of The Shores,” I say honestly. “I’ve worked so hard to stay out of it.”
“I know, and I don't want to change you. The fact you have nothing to do with this world is one of the many things that I love about you. But I needed you to know I want to give it up for you. It might not happen immediately—you can’t just walk away from what I do and live a normal life—but it’s in the works.”
I bite my lip nervously, his eyes never leaving my face. I’m lost for words. Not sure how to respond or react to everything he’s telling me.
“I’m tired of not having you because of the choices I’ve made.” He continues talking when I remain silent. “I’m tired of being lonely, wishing you were in my arms every night. It’s time for a change, and it’s worth it if it means I can finally have you.” He tucks my hair behind my ear again. “But if you want me to leave you alone, go back to the way things were, I will.”
“I don’t know, Colt...you promise you’re not fucking with me? I-I can’t go through that type of humiliation,” I say quietly.
I’m terrified about so many things right now. But am I willing to risk my chance with Colton because of it?
“I promise you, Layla, I am not fucking with you. I would never play with your heart like that,” he says, looking deeply into my eyes.
Honestly, I never thought I would hear and believe these words coming out of his mouth, but I do. I see the sincerity, the truth there. I’ve always been sure there was more to him behind the bad boy exterior, and here I am looking right at it. He's chosen me to see it.
“Listen. Come to my place next weekend. You can meet the guys and girls, and we can go out after for dessert. On a date.”
I’m afraid to say yes, but how do you say no to the outrageously attractive man you’ve had feelings for for ten years? All the times I pictured myself being one of the girls he pursued, and now it’s my turn.
Even if it does mean there is a risk of entering into the fucked-up world he lives in, we only have seven more months of school to get through before we can get out of here, what’s the worst that could happen?
I let out a deep breath. “Okay,” I say shyly, feeling my cheeks flush.
“So it’s a date?” he says with a small smile as I nod repeatedly. “Can I kiss you again?” I smile and nod again, and his grin is so huge it melts my heart.
