Page 2 of Desperate Measures
“Ma’am.Ma’am, can you hear me? How many more are inside?”
My ears rang as I tried to process what had just happened. I was ushered aside while police stormed the building. The man who had held me by the throat now lay lifeless on the floor. I’d heard the gunshots but didn’t see who fired them.
Then the smoke bomb went off. That’s when everything went still.
Later, the paramedics arrived, followed by detectives. Too late. I could’ve been dead. I was in a haze, and I didn’t even realize I was back inside the bank. They must’ve used some kind of gas, too. The smoke cleared and I heard coughing and crying.
That’s when I saw them. The bodies.
The new bank teller. Two security guards. Christopher.
All of them were breathing 60 minutes ago. Now... gone.
I sat on the back of the ambulance truck, afraid to shut my eyes. Each time I did, the whole day played on a loop in my head. The masked men and the way one of them said,“Where you going, beautiful?”The sheer terror I felt when they dragged me to the vault. The punch to my face. The sound of gunshots echoing through the small lobby.
And then it was over. Except it wasn’t. My coworkers were dead, and I was being questioned like I knew who did this. It was too much. I couldn’t calm down until I saw Jah pushing through the crowd.
Later that evening,the bathroom filled with steam as the water scalded my skin. But I didn’t move. I’d been sitting in the corner of the shower, frozen in disbelief. Every time I thought about getting out, the thought of the world waiting for me outside kept me planted right where I was.
I breathe deeply, trying to loosen the tightness in my chest, still nothing. I must’ve been in here for thirty minutes. At first, I let the water wash away my tears. Then, once I realized I had someone else’s blood on me, I started scrubbing like I could erase it. Like if I scrubbed hard enough, I could shed a layer of skin and grow a new one. A new one that wasn’t traumatized like me.
Now I stood frozen in time. I hoped that the longer I stood, the safer the world would become. Because if I stepped out, I would have to face it. With the things I saw and felt, the shower felt like the easier choice.
“Crimson?” I heard Jahsir’s voice call out to me. I couldn’t see him with the steam in the air. But just as clear as I heard his voice, I felt his presence. “Are you okay?” His body cut through the steam, and I saw him flinching as the heat hit him. “Come on, bae. It’s burning up in here.”
He stripped off his shirt and socks, leaving just his basketball shorts on, and stepped inside. Jahsir turned the water down in an attempt to cool me off, but I didn’t feel anything, the steam or the cold. My mind was scattered and my body was numb.Picking up my loofah, Jahsir lathered it with my honeysuckle shower gel and gently started to cleanse my skin. His touch was gentle, as if he were afraid I’d break. Helplessness and embarrassment washed over me, causing me to cry. The tears stream down my cheeks, but again I don’t feel them anymore.
The lack of sensations was terrifying me. I was desperate to feel. I turned toward him, pushed him gently against the marble wall, and kissed him. For a second, he kissed me back, then pulled away.
“You don’t want to do that right now,” he says gently. “You’re hurting.”
“I know,” I whisper through my trembling voice, “but I need to feelsomething. I needyou.”
I kissed him again, more urgently this time. My hands slipped inside his shorts, desperate for connection. Jahsir lets them fall to the floor, cups my face in both hands, and searches my eyes. He then slowly kisses me back, intentional and deeper now. His tongue moved like he was trying to remind me that I was still alive. He turned me around, pressing into me, his warmth grounding me, and for a second, I drifted and closed my eyes.
Then the memory crashes back in.Screams.Gunshots.Blood. I started to cry, prompting Jah to hold me tighter. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t try to fix it. He just lets me break into pieces in the coolness of the shower without letting go. Eventually, when my shaking slowed, he kissed the top of my head.
“Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”
Jahsir grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, then helped me out. I sat on the edge of the tub while he dried me off slowly, patiently, and gently. No questions. No rush. Just him. He handed me one of his T-shirts, and I pulled it on, letting itswallow me whole. He changed into fresh shorts, then held out his hand.
“Bed or couch?”
I paused because at the moment it seemed like such a huge choice to make. I was exhausted but couldn't sleep. And the couch seemed too big to be there on my own. Finally, I replied, “Wherever you’ll be.”
He nods, takes my hand, and leads me to the bed. The sheets are still messy from this morning, when everything felt normal. Or at least not likethis.
When we lay down, I curled into his side, and Jahsir wrapped his arms around me. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn't. I appreciated that he didn’t probe me with a ton of questions that I didn't want to answer.
“Scarlett,” I whispered.
“She’s with Zahara and my mom. I can go-”
“No. Don’t leave me, please.” I begged, curling further into him. “Besides, I probably wouldn’t be much help to her right now. I need just one day, maybe two.”
“Say less, Red. We are all here to support you.”
“I keep seeing it,” I whisper. “The guy in the mask. The sound of the gun. The blood,” I gulped, “on my hands, my shirt, my face. And they... they punched me. I’ve never felt that kind of pain before.”
