Page 98 of I Don't Need Your Love
She nods toward their table. Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t look, my curiosity gets the better of me and I glance at his table. Addie’s right. Ryder sits on the side instead of the center of the table, playing around with his food and looking like he’s lost in his own world. Some of the girls and guys try to engage him in conversation, and he answers them, but it’s obvious he’s not into it.
“He seems confused,” Raven observes.
“Because he’s changed due to Carly and doesn’t understand it!” Sophie insists.
“You don’t know that,” I tell her.
“Well, you don’t know, either.”
I shift my gaze to Raven. “What do you think?”
She ponders it for a second before saying, “I’d like to be hopeful like Addie and Sophie, but I can’t imagine Ryder settling down and being serious with a girl. The last thing I’d want is for you to get hurt, Carly. So unless I actually see that Ryder has changed, I don’t think I’ll believe that he could be the perfect boyfriend for you. Sorry, I just care about you too much to risk your heart like that.”
I give her a thankful smile. “Thanks for understanding.”
Sophie frowns. “Maybe you’re right. I love my books, but they’re not a real depiction of life, no matter how much I wish they were. In real life, people can get really hurt. I want you to be happy, Carly. Maybe that’s why I loved seeing you getting along with Ryder. I thought he could make you happy, but maybe I’m wrong.”
Addie looks between all three of us. “Are we really giving up on Ryder and Carly because wethinkhe’ll hurt her? What if we’re wrong? What if he’ll be the best boyfriend in the world?”
We’re quiet as we mull over it.
“You don’t have to shut him out of your life,” Raven says. “Why can’t you be friends?”
“Because it’ll either hurt me to see him with other girls or I’ll stare at his lips all day and imagine kissing them again.”
“I like option two better,” Addie says.
“But unfortunately, I think option one is more likely,” Raven admits. “Carly, at the end of the day, the decision is up to you. You don’t have to give up on him, like Addie suggested. You can try to talk to him and see if he’s changed. Take one step at a time. You have enough time.”
When I look at his table again, I find his eyes pasted on me. He makes a move like he wants to wave, but he turns his head away and says something to Felix. After Felix nods, they leave the dining hall.
“Is he mad at you?” Sophie asks.
“Maybe he’s just giving her space,” Raven suggests. “He obviously senses that Carly’s been avoiding him.”
I bury my face in my hands. “I don’t know what to do, guys. I liked my life better before Ryder came to Harrington Bay. I wanted a boyfriend, sure, but I wasn’t stressed about anything—other than school. I was sleeping right and eating right. But I barely got enough sleep last night, I have no appetite, and I’m stressing about dance practice this afternoon.”
They’re quiet.
I lower my hands and glance from one to the other.
“Maybe…you just got your answer,” Raven says.
Addie looks like she wants to argue, but Sophie says, “He’s been such a good friend, though. He’s had a positive impact on your life, especially with dance. Do you think you guys can remain friends?”
“Maybe one day. For now, I think the best thing for me is to keep my distance.”
Sophie and Raven nod, but Addie seems upset.
“I know you want me to have what you and Caleb have,” I tell her, “but you can’t force things that aren’t meant to be. This is the right choice for me.”
“I don’t agree, but only you know what’s best for you.” She gets up and wraps her arms around me. “I support you no matter what. I won’t bring him up anymore.”
“Thanks.”
Raven and Sophie join the hug. As they pull away, a part of me feels relieved. Having this heart-to-heart has given me some clarity, but the other part of me really misses Ryder. Sophie’s right—he did have a positive impact on my life. I learned to forgive him and to let go of the past. Without him, I wouldn’t have the dance team. He’s also solidified my determination to be a professional choreographer or dance teacher one day.
That’s why I’m holding on to the hope that we can get through this and be friends again. But for now? I need to focus on myself.
