Page 35 of I Don't Need Your Protection
Tears flash in my eyes when I look at the pictures. Of all three of us with bright smiles on our faces. Who knew that onlya few months later, my parents would be taken from me?
Footsteps sound near the entrance of my closet. “Addilyn?” Caleb says, though he doesn’t enter. “It’s nearly six and we should go to dinner.”
I swipe my arm over my eyes. “Yeah, I’m coming.”
He backs away from the door, probably figuring I need some space. After staring at the photos for a bit longer, I place them in the bottom drawer of my desk.
Then he follows me to the dining hall. I’m not really in a social mood and I’m glad my friends haven’t arrived yet. On any normal day, I’d be happy to spend time with them, but I want to be alone now.
That’s why after I eat a quick meal, I tell Caleb I’m going for a walk to try to clear my head. He nods as he follows me outside.
Chapter Twelve
Addie
A few students are milling about outside on campus, but it’s mostly empty. Considering it’s in the middle of October, it will start to get dark soon, so I have a few minutes to myself.
Except, I’m not really by myself. I don’t have to see him to know that he’s here, somewhere. On the one hand, I do feel safer, but on the other, I seriously feel a lack of privacy. Like what if I want a few minutes to mourn over my parents without an audience? True I can do that in the bathroom, but there’s something about being outdoors and in nature that makes me feel closer to them. Maybe because they loved the outdoors? They loved to go exploring and on hikes. And I shared the love, too. I miss going on hikes with them.
I think they would have loved it here because there’s so much greenery. Mom would take her camera and spend the whole day snapping photos. And then the three of us wouldspend the entire night poring over them and marveling at how talented Mom is, and how beautiful nature is.
I sit on a bench near the dining hall and squeeze my hands together, trying my hardest to fight the tears bursting to break through. All I want is to let go and allow the tears to roll down my cheeks, but I convinced myself not to cry anymore. The other kids at the group home would make me feel weird whenever I cried. I never understood why—most of them were orphans, too, so didn’t they get it?—but I guess some people think crying is a sign of weakness. I don’t think it is, but the last thing I want is for anyone here to make fun of me.
“Fancy meeting you again,” a familiar voice says.
My head snaps up, and I find Warner standing over me with another guy by his side. He has curly dark hair and a lazy look in his eyes. Like he can’t be bothered to care about anything because it takes too much effort.
My body perks up at the sight of Warner. “Hey,” I greet, instantly feeling better.
“What are you doing out here?” he asks.
“Just looking for, um, some peace and quiet.”
He grins. “I know what you mean. Living in the dorms is like sharing a house with a hundred siblings.”
I laugh. “Totally.”
“Who’s the chick, Warner?” his friend asks.
“Chick?” I roll my eyes.
“Yeah, not cool, Hudson. Quit calling girls chicks. What decade are you from?”
Hudson does a leisurely scan of me, then shrugs like hefinds me half decent.
“Do you want company?” Warner asks me, nodding to the space next to me on the bench.
The truth is, I just want to be alone and mourn over my parents quietly. I want to give myself the opportunity to face my feelings and not keep everything bottled in. Mom always taught me how dangerous it is to keep your feelings unchecked. You might explode at any time.
“That’s okay,” I say. “I won’t be here long, anyway. It’s getting late.”
He smiles. “No worries. I guess I’ll catch you later, then? Let’s go, Hud.” He slaps Hudson’s chest, who is staring after a group of girls who just entered the dining hall.
“Yeah, later,” I say.
He makes it a few steps before whirling around. “Hey, Addie?”
I turn my head. “Yeah?”
