Page 102 of I Don't Need Your Protection
“Of course. His lips are magic, didn’t you know?”
“You are something else,” he mutters as he shakes his head and forces himself to stop laughing.
“You’rethe one who’s something else,” I retort. “You just stopped yourself from laughing. As though you’re putting a limit on how much fun you can have.”
“I don’t have fun,” he says as he straightens up and goes back to “bodyguard mode.”
“You should, though. Does your dad also not have fun with his charges? Maybe I should give him a call and tell him to force you to ease up a little. I know you can still have a little fun while doing your job.”
Darkness descends on his face. He tears his eyes away from me and stares at nothing before him.
“I’m sorry. Did I offend you? I was just joking…Well, I mean, I would like you to have fun while you watch me, since, you know, I don’t think my parents’ murderers will fly in through the window and snatch me right from under your nose…” My voice trails off when I notice that the darkness on his face has gotten stronger. As though the more I talk, the worse I make him feel.
Forcing my lips shut, I continue working on my math equations.
After what feels like forever, Caleb says in a low voice, “My mom died on the job.”
My pencil drops from my hand with a low thud as my eyes spring to his.
His gaze is focused on the spot before him.
“You mean…?”
He nods. “She died protecting someone.”
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry if I made you feel even worse with my lame humor. I was just trying to have fun with you.”
“I know. Don’t worry, you didn’t offend me.”
We’re both quiet. Caleb still stares at the spot before him, as though he’s traveling down memory lane. Maybe to the day he found out his mom died? I hate myself for bringing all of this up and forcing him to relive one of the worst days of his life.
“I’m not hurt, Addie,” he says as he turns his head to me. “I know what you’re thinking. But you shouldn’t feel bad. I think about my mom all the time.”
“I think about my parents all the time, too,” I whisper.
He gives me an understanding nod.
I keep my eyes on him as I try to imagine what it must have been like for him after his mom died. Did it make him growharder? Maybe he realized how serious his job really is and he’s been determined ever since to protect his charge with every fiber of his being? I wonder if he channels his pain and heartache into his job.
“I know you want to ask me something,” he says.
I blink and stammer, “W-what? No. I mean…”
“You’re staring at me with that look in your eyes. You can ask, Addie.”
I look away from him. “I was just thinking how hard it must have been for you to do your job knowing your mom died while doing the same job. Like, how were you able to go back to work after something like that?”
“It’s our honor. My mom died a hero.”
“Yeah, she did. She’s one of the bravest people in the world. And you are, too. But did you ever consider a different life?”
His brows furrow as he thinks about my words. “A different life?”
“Do you want to get married one day? Have kids? It would be hard to raise a family in your line of work, wouldn’t it?”
“Marry and have kids? That’s not the life for me.”
As soon as the words come out, something passes over his face. He stares off into the distance again and mutters, “I never considered anything else because I didn’t think I’d want any other life. I was set on my path and I thought I would be content. Me, alone, without having to rely on anyone…or care for anyone more than what my job required of me. But…” He shifts his gaze to me and watches me for a few seconds.
