Page 22 of Damaged Boys Don't Fall For Bubbly Girls
“Okay.”
Sighing deeply, she pulls me into her arms again. “I love you.”
I hold onto her as tears enter my eyes. I’m so lucky to have a sister like her. “I love you, too,” I whisper.
She tightens her hold on me, like she doesn’t want me to go, but she knows this is best for me.
Neighbors and our friends and family, including Uncle Zack, Aunt Ally, Uncle Brayden, Aunt Kara, and my cousins, say goodbye to me as well. Each one tells me they’ll always be with me and think of me.
Just as I pull out of Dani Knight’s arms, I notice someone standing on the side.
Lexi.
Her anguished eyes are on me. She looks like she’s not sure if I want her around, but of course I do. Even though I blame her for what happened to Andy, I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye to her.
I step closer to her and she inches to me and we just stare at each other. Then she runs into my arms, hugging me tightly.
I hug her back, shutting my eyes. She doesn’t say a word and neither do I. We hug for what feels like a very long time.
Dropping my arms, I step away from her. She backs up as well. But then her arms are around me again and she whispers, “I’ll miss you.”
My throat is too tight to say anything, but I wish I could say the same. Even though I’m so hurt and upset, I want to tell her I’ll miss her, too. But I can’t get the words out.
Dad moves to me. “It’s time to go, Brock.” He pats Lexi’s arm, giving her a reassuring nod before leading me to the car. Before I get in, I turn around to look at her.
Tears flash in her eyes, running down her cheeks. She waves sadly.
I swallow the lump in my throat and get in the car. Mom makes sure I have everything I need before she pulls into the street and we make our way to the airport.
To a new beginning. To leaving all the pain and memories behind.
I turn onto my side. As soon as we drove out of Edenbury, I left that part of my life behind. Including Lexi.
For the first few months living in Boston, I was upset, hurt, and getting used to my new life, so it was easy to push her to the back of my mind. But when she called or texted, everything that happened that summer crashed over me like a wave. Nearly drowning me. I wanted to erase the past from my life, which meant erasing her as well because she reminded me of when life was good. How could I let myself be happy when Andy was dead?
I blamed her, but deep down I knew it was my fault. How was it fair that I was alive and he was dead?
And I was a coward. Instead of facing Lexi like I should have, instead of apologizing for being a jerk to her, it was easier to push her further and further away.
As the months and years passed, and with the help of therapists, I got better. I made new friends and was relatively happy. I hardly thought about the past. But the minute anyone brought up Lexi or Edenbury, I was taken back to that terrible day and I completely shut down. Zoey was mad at me for ignoring Lexi, but she didn’t understand. It killed me that I hurt her, but every time I thought about her, I remembered not just Andy’s death but my blaming her. I didn’t know how to handle it. Like I said, I was a coward.
But I should have at least answered the letter she sent me two years ago, where she asked if we could be friends again. It just hurt too much to remember the past and all the pain I went through. I didn’t want to open the wounds again.
The more I pushed her away, the harder it was to reconnect, and then I realized it was too late. We were different people. Strangers. And I was convinced we’d never be able to fix what was broken between us.
But mostly? I told myself I didn’t deserve her friendship after being so horrible to her.
But at the end of last year, I decided it was time I stop running from the past. As much as I love my grandparents, Edenbury is my home. I missed my parents, my family, my old life. I missed my friends. I missed Lexi. Even though I knew we were so distanced, I wanted to see her again. But the main reason for my return was that I needed to accept the past and move on. If not, I’d never be able to live. Andy would want me to live a good life.
I don’t know what will happen now. If Lexi and I will ever be okay, but the important thing is that I’m here and I’m trying. And that I apologized for being such a jerk.
Her sad face floats before my eyes. She felt so guilty after bringing up Andy today. I shouldn’t have shut down and left her. I’m tryingnotto run away. I guess there’s still so much I need to work on.
Hopefully one day, I’ll be able to talk about Andy without feeling like my lungs are made of wood.
Hopefully one day, Lexi and I will be friends again. But if she doesn’t want that, I’ll have to accept it. I just want her to be happy.
Chapter Nine
