Page 20 of Damaged Boys Don't Fall For Bubbly Girls
I had no idea what was going on with me, but I realized that the other guys weren’t weird around her like I was. And she acted completely normal around me. Which made me wonder if something was wrong with me. I didn’t tell anyone about my feelings—it was too embarrassing. I told myself maybe it would go away. But the more time we spent together, the more intense those feelings grew. And when she’d kiss me on the cheek like she did many times, that nearly sent me over the edge. I wanted to pull her close to me, kiss her, tell her I liked when it was just the two of us. That I wanted to spend every single second with her. But of course I didn’t do that, and she still looked at me like I was being weird.
I knew right then that I could never tell her how I felt. So I kept it inside and did whatever I could to act as normal as I could. But things just got worse the more we hung out. And when she’d smile at me? My stomach would swoop and my heart would pound all over my body. I thought she was the sweetest, prettiest, most amazing person on the planet. I’d lie in bed and think about her all the time. She kept me up at night.
But I knew I couldn’t continue being weird around her. She always teased me for stumbling over my words, and claiming my head was in the clouds because I was always thinking about my books. She had no clue she was the cause.
Then I befriended Andy and we hung out playing basketball and other sports and I realized I felt like my old self again. I still thought about Lexi, but I was distracted by playing with Andy. The more time we spent together, the less I thought about Lexi.And my feelings were pushed aside. So I guess looking back now, I kind of used him as a way to forget about my confusing feelings about Lexi. It was such a terrible thing to do, but I didn’t know I was doing it at the time. I liked hanging out with Andy. Of course he didn’t replace my friends—I still loved all of them—but I couldn’t handle my feelings for Lexi. I didn’t realize back then that I was hurting her. And the others as well. I was just focused on trying to forget my confusing feelings.
Lexi would ask me to come over to watch a documentary on sea life and I always declined, telling her I was hanging out with Andy. She was hurt, but I figured she had the other guys. And anyway, I didn’t want the strange feelings to take over, like they did every time we were together. It was a very jerkish thing to do, but I seriously didn’t know how to deal with my feelings. I thought pushing her away was the best thing for me to do. And I told myself that one day, my feelings would go away and we’d go back to how we were.
But that never happened.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I mutter under my breath for the memories not to invade my mind and heart, but like the previous times, I’m powerless to stop them.
It’s a normal summer day and I’ve made plans to hang out with Andy. But Lexi comes over, says some very mean things about him—about wishing he’d go away and never come back. I feel bad that she’s upset, but she had no right to say that.
I go back into my house after she stomps away and wait for Andy to come. He bikes over like he usually does, and after I get on my bike, we ride to the park together to shoot hoops. He still hasn’t beaten me, and I bet he never will. But he’s determined to one day. He told me a while ago that he wants to play basketball professionally when he’s older. And he’ll play for our middle school team this upcoming year. I don’t want to playprofessionally or for our school, even though I bet I could make the team. But it’s so cool that he wants an athletic career.
We play for about an hour, then look for bugs but don’t find anything cool, and then ride back to my house to eat the snacks Mom prepared for us. And we decide to watch a movie in my room.
“Want to do something fun?” he asks with a sly grin.
“What?”
He picks up the remote and turns on the TV. “Let’s watch whatever movie pops up first. Even if it’s lame like a romance.”
“Okay.”
The first movie to pop up is a romance.
“Ugh!” Andy groans, rolling his hazel eyes. “So lame.”
I shrug. “Romances aren’t that bad.”
He gags. “Only girls like romance.”
I playfully shove his arm. “Not true. My dad is very romantic. I want to be like that when I’m older.”
His brown brows furrow. “Ew.”
I shove him again. “Press play and let’s watch.”
He gags again, but does as I say and we get comfortable on my bed as the opening scenes unfold. Andy looks bored out of his mind, but I actually like the movie. Lexi would love it.
The second I think about her, my body gets all warm and weird again.
Andy turns to me as I fidget in my seat. “You good?”
“Yeah, really good.”
I don’t really concentrate on the movie because I’m thinking about Lexi. Darn it. This isn’t supposed to happen when I’m hanging out with Andy.
Grabbing the remote, I change to sports and both Andy and I are relieved we don’t have to watch that romance.
He stays for a bit longer before it’s time for him to go home. Mom and Dad wish him goodbye, then I walk him to the door.We talk about sports and school and what the new year will be like.
He gets on his bike and waves at me. Then he turns onto the street to head toward his house a few blocks away.
I remember I forgot to tell him about something funny that happened to me earlier and call, “Andy, wait!”
