Page 19 of Damaged Boys Don't Fall For Bubbly Girls
I turn around and storm away.
Tears cake my cheeks and seep into my stuffed whale. I moan a few times, scolding myself for saying those terrible words. Because that led to…
Andy died that day. The whole town is talking about it, including my mom, who keeps muttering how tragic it is for a boy to lose his life at such a young age. All because of an accident. Brock hasn’t been answering my phone calls—his mom and dad tell me to maybe try again later. But days pass and he refuses to talk to me. My mom tells me he just needs time, but so much time has passed and I want to talk to him. I’m his best friend, after all, and I know I can make him feel better.
So I walk to his house and ask his mom if I can see him. She tells me only for a few minutes. When I reach his room, I find him sitting on his bed, just staring at the floor. He doesn’t move, doesn’t even blink. I don’t think his mind is here.
“Hey, Brock.” I hop onto the bed and wrap my arms around him. “I’ve missed you so much. Your speech was so good at the funeral. I know Andy would have been very happy to hear it.” I lean forward to press my lips to his cheek to give him a comforting kiss, but he pushes me away. “Hey!”
He leaps to his feet and glares at me. “You have some nerve coming over.”
My eyes get super wide. “What? I wanted to see if you’re okay.”
“If I’m okay? He’s dead because of you.”
I gape at him as my heart catapults out of my chest. “What…?”
“You remember what you said last Sunday?”
I think for a few seconds. “Um…I don’t think so…”
“You said you wanted him to go away and never come back!”
Bile rises in my throat when I realize he’s right. I did say that. “I didn’t mean…” I stammer. “I was just mad—”
“You cursed him! He’s dead because of you.”
Tears burst out of my eyes and make me see blurry. “That’s not true!”
“It is. It is true! My best friend is dead because of you!”
It feels like the floor disappears beneath me. I can’t breathe. That has never happened to me before. Brock stands before me looking so hurt and broken. So betrayed. It makes me hate what I said. It makes me hate myself.
He’s right. I caused Andy to die.
I run all the way home and bury myself under my covers. I don’t come out of my room for hours.
My cheeks are soaked even more as the memories play over and over in my head. I didn’t tell a single soul what I said that day. My mom thought I was upset because of Andy and because Brock shut me and the guys out, but the truth is that I felt guilty. I thought that I killed Andy. As I grew older, the rational side of my brain tried to convince me that I didn’t kill him—there are no such things as curses. But can I really know that for sure? Does anyone know how the world works? When I said those words, I meant them. IwantedAndy gone. I wanted things to go back to how they were, when it was just me, Brock, and the guys. But I never meant to hurt Andy.
For years I wanted to apologize to Brock for saying those horrible words, but he refused to talk to me. I’m glad he’s back and I was finally able to say I’m sorry. He reassured me that he forgave me, but I know he was just being the sweet guy that he is. I’m sure a part of him still blames me for his death.
Because I certainly still blame myself.
Chapter Eight
Brock
I’ve been lying in my bed for hours, unable to sleep. I have no idea what time it is, but I’m not surprised that I’m still awake. It’s not the first time this has happened. Or the second or the third. I used to have nightmares, but those have mostly died down, unless the images and memories are so strong I can’t contain them.
Since the moment I went to bed, I forced myself not to rememberthatday, and the ones that followed. I don’t want to think about the past all the time. I did come here to try to put all that behind me. But the more I push, the more it pushes back and there’s just so much I can handle before it completely takes over.
Everything that happened between Lexi and me is my fault. I was the one who pushed her away. I was the one who befriended Andy and pretty much ignored her. But what she doesn’t know is that it was also not my fault. Because the only reason I pushed her aside for Andy was because—and I didn’t understand it back then—I was falling in love with her.
I mean, I always liked Lexi since I was a little kid. I was obsessed with her, wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. But suddenly in sixth grade, things changed. My feelings for her were so intense and confusing. I didn’t know how to handle them. When she hugged me, I got these weird feelings. She used to hug me all the time and I never felt like that. Then all of a sudden, my body was warm and tingly and all I could think about was what it would feel like to kiss her, like those guys in the movies did.
And I found myself thinking about her more than I did in the past. Sure, in the past, if I saw something cool on TV, I’d runto tell her, but I suddenly wanted to pour out everything in my heart to her.
I’d stumble over my words whenever it was just the two of us. Lexi would narrow her eyes as she tried to understand what I was saying. And my cheeks were always hot whenever she was near me.
