Page 122 of Damaged Boys Don't Fall For Bubbly Girls
When I return to my room, I find a few texts from Zoey, asking me how it went with Lexi. I’m not really in the mood to talk about it right now. I’ll text her later.
Dropping down on my bed, I stare at the ceiling. “Lexi,” I whisper, tears forming in my eyes. “Do whatever you need to do to be happy. Don’t think about me or my feelings. Put yourself first. Please put yourself first, Lexi.”
I know it’s silly to talk to her when she can’t hear me, but maybe my words will make their way to her somehow.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lexi
When I come home after my conversation with Brock, I face-plant on the living room couch with a sigh.
I’m so glad we were open with one another, but now? My mind races with so many confusing and conflicting thoughts, and my heart is one big mess. All I want to do is sprint back to Brock’s house, gather him in my arms, and tell him the only thing I want is to spend every single second with him. Spend my days making him smile and holding him when he’s feeling sad. To shower him with every ounce of love I carry in my heart.
Because, yeah, I’m pretty sure I love him. I probably have been in love with him since I was a kid.
But could he and I have a healthy relationship? Are we truly too obsessed with each other? I don’t want to make his life more difficult. What if a relationship is the worst thing for him right now? What if he won’t be ready to be with someone for another few years? Would I wait? I can’t see myself being with anyone else, so I definitely would wait. But what if that’s the wrong thing?
Ugh. I’m once again thinking about him and not myself. I just told him a few minutes ago that I need to put myself first and figure out what I want. What makes me happy. But what if I’m incapable of doing that?
What exactly do I want?
I hear footsteps enter the room and then Mom asks, “Lexi? When did you get home?”
“Just now,” my muffled voice says.
She steps further into the room. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll live. I think.”
She lowers herself next to my head and starts playing with my hair. “What’s going on, sweetie?”
“Life is too confusing.”
“Yes, life can be very difficult and confusing.” She strokes my head. “Does this have anything to do with Finn? Did your date go well?”
“I broke up with him.”
She’s quiet for a second before saying, “I see. How are you doing?”
“It was the right decision.” I roll over and lower my head on her lap, staring up at the ceiling. “I realized that we were putting so much pressure on ourselves to make things work. We had so much more fun when we were just friends. Things were natural and they feltright.”
“I’m glad you were able to come to that conclusion. I can’t imagine it was easy.”
“I feel so bad,” I say, tears poking my eyes. “Finn has feelings for me, and I wasn’t able to return them. Does that make me a bad person?”
“Of course not, sweetheart. You can’t force yourself to like someone. The best person you can be is an honest person. It would hurt him more if you pretended.”
“Yeah, that’s what I told him. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I continued dating him when I didn’t share his feelings. It just kills me that I hurt him.”
“You did the right thing, Lexi. Now he’ll be able to move on and meet someone new one day. Someone who will return his feelings and love him forhim.”
“I just hope things won’t be awkward between us. I’d hate to lose him as a friend.”
She bends down to kiss my forehead. “Have faith that everything will work out. I’m sure Finn would hate to lose you as a friend, too.”
“Yeah. But he’s right about Brock. Iamtoo obsessed with him. I don’t know if I cannotbe obsessed with him. He’s consumed every part of my life.” I sigh. “I know it’s not healthy. How do I put myself first while still caring about him?”
“Wait, what are you saying about Brock?” she asks.
