Page 62 of Certified Pressure
As the food got passed around and everybody started eatin’, I kept catchin’ myself glancin’ at Lola. She hadn’t said another word since the blow-up. No more side comments, no slick looks, nothin’… She just sat there, pickin’ at her plate, her eyes movin’ between her food and the table like she was somewhere else in her head.
I paid attention to that shit too. Most of these women loved being loud and noticed, especially at my table, but she was damn near shrinkin’ into her chair now, and that made me curious. If Renza had set me up with a nigga, I was gonna beat the skin off his ass.
I was gon’ get to the bottom of this shit and find out the truth. Chanel had just planted a seed I couldn’t ignore. One way or another I was gon’ know if Lola was a man or not. I didn’t give a fuck if I had to set up a whole investigation and call it‘Operation Drop Them Drawers.’Whatever it took, I was gon’ solve this mystery.
After dinner, I called Renza, Kay’Lo, and Blaqson into my office.
“A man? What the fuck you mean a man?” Blaqson asked as soon as they sat down.
I leaned back in my chair and looked at all three of them. “That’s what Chanel said at the table. Called Lola a man in front of everybody. Whole room went silent. I’m watchin’ her the rest of the night and she sittin’ there all quiet, ain’t said another word. She looked uncomfortable as hell.”
Renza shook his head, laughin’ under his breath. “Naw, that’s wild. Chanel messy as hell, but… damn.”
I wasn’t laughin’. “Renza, look me in my face and tell me you ain’t set me up with a nigga.”
He threw his hands up quick. “Hell nah, I ain’t do no hoe shit like that. Come on, man, you my blood. I love you too much to even play with you like that. When I picked these women, I went through all they profiles myself. I put it on the flyer clear as day—real women only. No funny business.”
Kay’Lo was leanin’ against the wall smirkin’. “I mean… now that I think about it… Lola do got some big-ass hands. I noticed it the first day, but I ain’t say nothin’ ‘cause I figured maybe she just one of them tall-handed women. But bruh…” He started laughin’ before he could finish.
Renza grinned. “Big hands, big feet… what about the neck though?”
Blaqson cracked up. “Yeah, we talkin’ Adams apple territory. You know you can’t hide that shit. If she got a ‘hello’ stuck in her throat, it’s over with.”
Kay’Lo pointed. “Yup. Soon as she talk, we gon’ be lookin’ at her neck like it’s the scoreboard at a basketball game.”
They was clownin’, but I wasn’t all the way in the mood. “This shit ain’t funny to me. If y’all really put me in here with a man, I’m beatin’ her like one. No hesitation.”
Renza shook his head again, still tryin’ to keep it light. “Man, you actin’ like I went to the Salvation Army and just picked somebody out the back. I did my homework. But look, I’ll admit… Chanel got a mouth on her. She either lyin’ for attention, or she know somethin’ we don’t.”
Blaqson leaned forward in his chair. “We gon’ have to get to the bottom of it. Only one way to be sure.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And what’s that?”
“We sneak in her room while she sleep,” Blaqson said with a straight face, like it was the most normal suggestion in the world.
Kay’Lo damn near spit his drink. “Nigga, what? That’s how you catch a charge. We all gon’ be on TMZ talkin’ about ‘it ain’t what it looked like.’”
Renza laughed. “Nah, for real, Blaqson got the right idea but the wrong execution. We ain’t gotta be the ones. Have one of the women do it. Somebody she’s cool with. All they gotta do is ‘accidentally’ walk in while she changin’ and report back.”
Blaqson grinned. “Or we could get her drunk enough to loosen up and start talkin’. You know liquor make people run they mouth.”
Kay’Lo leaned back in his chair. “Or just throw a pool party and tell everybody it’s mandatory skinny dippin’. She gon’ either show up or come up with a weak excuse.”
Renza pointed at him. “That’s not bad. ‘Cause if she don’t show, that’s gon’ make her look even more suspect.”
I tugged at my beard thinkin’ it over. Every idea had potential, but none of ‘em felt like a hundred percent guarantee. “I’m not about to get hit with no sexual harassment lawsuit over this shit. We not puttin’ our hands on her or doin’ anything thatcan be flipped on us, but I am gon’ find out. I don’t give a fuck what I gotta do.”
They went quiet for a minute, all three just sittin’ there thinkin’.”
Blaqson finally broke the silence. “Look, we overcomplicating this. Just keep an eye on her. Watch how she move. Little shit gon’ start adding up. We ain’t gotta force it, ‘cause if there’s somethin’ to find, it’s gon’ reveal itself.”
Kay’Lo smirked. “Yeah, ‘cause you know niggas can’t help but slip up. You can only pretend for so long before the real you pop out. That’s when we catch it.”
Renza added, “And if she is what Chanel say she is, then yeah… you gon’ have to handle that.”
I leaned back in my chair. “If Lola is really a ‘Larry’, that’s her ass.”
They laughed, but they knew I meant every word.
