Page 75 of Enemies with Benefits
"I'm standing up for him because it's the right thing to do," I said, searching the words and finding that, despite everything, that much was true. "Can I tell you something? Something you can't ask questions about?"
"Ialwaysask questions," he rightly pointed out, but his grip around his chest loosened.
"I know, and that's not wrong, but you're asking about a very...difficult thing to answer, and I can't answer it completely. No one in this situation can. But there's something Iwantto tell you, so you understand a little better, but I also think you're old enough to know you're not going to get the 'right' answer....even if there isn't a right answer here."
His face screwed up for a moment, and then he sighed. “Okay."
"Promise?"
"Sure."
"Uh-uh, I want the words."
He sighed, shoulders slumping. "I promise not to ask questions."
"Good," I said, and knelt so we were face to face. "Jace didn't choose not to be around. As soon as he had a choice, that's when you started seeing him around. And ever since then, he's been trying to be a part of your life. Now he's here, and he's still trying...okay? He's trying really hard and maybe you don't know why, but that's a big deal, okay?"
"But…" he began, and frustration twisted his mouth and clouded his eyes. I waited patiently, watching him with a small smile because I understood. It was hard to deal with something you barely knew anything about. After a minute, he let out a heavy breath, hanging his head. "I said no more questions. I promised."
"You did," I said. "And I'm going to promise you that in a few years, I’ll give you more answers when you come back and ask again. All I ask is that you keep going like you are, keep doing what you are doing. You like Jace, right?"
"Yeah," he admitted without hesitation, which for a thoughtful and introspective kid like him was a significant detail.
"Then just like him. He's not looking for you to treat him like your dad, not now, and maybe not in the future. It's up to you how things go between you two. You just...keep being you, alright?"
"Me, but not the question kind."
I laughed and relaxed when I saw him relent and give a smile back. “Okay, yeah, sure."
He cocked his head. “That's what adults do, isn't it?"
"What's that?"
"Be themselves with people, but not totally. Not even with people they love."
It was the simplest, most basic statement, but in the same way that a sledgehammer was taken to a wall of glass, it was simple in how it hit me. He was almost nine, and he’d figured out something about being human that was true across all ages, something we all knew and yet lamented. We could be ourselves only with select people, and even then, there was always something held back, some things we kept in check for...for what? Fear? Sorrow? Anger? Bitterness? Protection?
"I'm sorry, kid," I began softly, squeezing his elbow. "But yeah."
"That's...sad."
"It is."
I watched him work it through his mind. He was pretty adult as far as kids went, but he was still ultimately a kid, not even nine yet, so his emotions showed on his face. I could see the way it hurt him to think about it, maybe for himself, but for others too, because he was always considering other people. I could see the confusion, probably wondering why it had to be that way, and that gave way to frustration, which made sense as well. Finally, the sadness returned, and he gave a world-weary sigh that he shouldn't have mastered for at least another decade.
"I don't want to be sad right now," he said with a shrug. "I'm going to go look at more stuff. Maybe I'll think about that stuff later, or maybe I won't."
I laughed, ruffling his hair to make him give an indignant screech. "You're wise beyond your years, you little weirdo. Go have fun and worry about adult stuff when you're an adult. Life's more fun that way."
He gave me a look, rolled his eyes, and walked away, leaving me to watch him for a while as he perused another display. It was funny, watching all that worry and concern he'd had a moment ago disappear, melting into rapture as he watched a starfish crawl slowly along the bottom of a tank. I wondered when it was that we lost that youthful resilience. Micah had accidentally come across a soul-crushing aspect of life and adulthood that he wasn't prepared for, and the weight of it had overtaken him for a moment. Now it was like nothing had happened, and he was cooing at a creature that was about as interesting as a snail perched on a rock.
A presence at my side made me flinch, and I glared at Kayden. “How long have you been creeping there?"
"Long enough to hear...everything," he said with a shrug.
"Everything?" I asked, brow raised and a faint note of worry shooting through me.
"Well, the life lesson you tried to impart to him," he said with a chuckle. "I missed whatever caused it."
