Page 27 of Enemies with Benefits
Micah laughed, his little shoulders shaking as he picked up a fry and threw it at Mason, who managed to catch it with his mouth. "They're close?"
She didn't answer right away, pouring me another drink and pushing it back toward me. “What answer are you looking for?"
"The honest one," I said, resolving to sip this one. "I don't do anything but honesty, that hasn't changed."
"They are close," Moira said, capping the bottle and setting it down. "Have been from the start. Mason isn't around as much as he'd like, but they're always calling each other, especially video calls. Mason will even make normal calls while he's dealing with his club and talk to him all night while he's managing. It's been a little while since the last time he was here, but whenever he's around, he makes sure to spend time with Micah. He adores Micah, and vice versa."
I watched them for a moment. It was obvious the kid was used to him, and although I didn't know him at all, he seemed comfortable with Mason. "Oh."
"Did you want them not to be?"
"I...no, I want him to know his family."
"Just not Mason."
"I didn't say that."
"He's good with him."
"Okay."
"I mean it."
"I get it."
"Do you?"
"Yes."
Which was...true, mostly. I knew that the Mason I knew was not the same Mason that those close to him knew. And I knew that, in theory, you could despise everything about a personwithout them being an awful person, and they could even be a good person with everyone else. At the same time, finding a way to separate the man I hated from a version of himself who could be loved by a child and be good with that child was...not easy for me. It was a task I would have to figure out later, when I wasn't trying to deal with a much more important and bigger issue.
"Why...did you keep it from me?" I asked, knowing she had expected the conversation to loop back to that point. "And why tell me now?"
She sighed. “Those two questions are pretty much tied together. I kept it from you because...well, you wanted to have a life. You were always so careful to make sure you didn't have kids because the idea scared the hell out of you, and you wanted to have fun, irresponsible and free."
"I don't?—"
"Stop, I'm not saying that was wrong. For God's sake, Jace. You spent your childhood and teenage years trying to take care of and defend your mom from that beast who called himself your father. You had every right not to have to take care of someone else when that was the last thing you wanted. You were the careful one, I was the one who got sloppy with my birth control, and it...well, it happened. I didn't realize I was pregnant until, like...three months after we broke up. All I could think was that I had no choice. Well, I had choices, but none of them sounded good. I couldn't bring myself to abort him, and adoption was out of the question, I wasn't...I couldn't see myself carrying him for nine months just to give him away. I didn't care if it was to a good home, I...well, I was right. There was no way I was going to be able to give him up.
"So I kept my mouth shut, I thought it was for the best rather than dragging you into a life you didn't want. It wasn't like I was going to be left to do it on my own. But...there hasn't been much time in the past eight years where I didn't question that decision,where I didn't wonder if what I decided was for the best or if it was me being selfish, or if I was robbing Micah of the chance to know you. Kayden might have interfered, as you put it, but all he said was the same things that I've been telling myself for years. So, now I'm telling you, and I'm letting you decide what you want to do about it. I don't mean right this minute, or even this week, or this month. This is...a lot, and I won't know if it was the right choice, either way, for quite a while, I'm sure. And if you're pissed at me, I don't blame you, I expect it because I know that even though you didn't want something like this when we were younger, you've got a noble streak in you almost as wide as the stubborn one."
"I am pissed," I said because now was definitely the time for truth. "I had a right to know. It should have been my choice if I wanted to be his father, not yours."
"Would you have made the choice the right way? Or would you have made it because you felt obligated?"
"How do you even know I would have stayed?"
"Because despite how much you kept from me, because you never knew how to open up, I knew enough. Are you saying you would have just walked off?"
I grimaced, bitter because she was right. "No. But it still wasn't your decision. Even if I chose to stick around because it was the right thing to do, it wasmychoice, not yours. You say you know me, then you should know I don't like people making decisions for me."
"Look," she said, her eyes flashing in warning. "We've got plenty of time to discuss how badly I fucked up and if you're going to let it go."
"Let it go?"
"Jace...do you really want to argue about this right now? Or do you want to digest the news and come back afterward to yell at me? Because we both know you're going to think of more tosay, so you might as well compile it so you can properly chew me out."
"Alright, fuck you too."
