Page 100 of The Monsters Within
All that time, she was doing the same goddamn thing. Burying her head in the sand. Thinking she had to handle everything on her own while still taking care of the brothers in the club. And the old ladies when they started coming along.
I wasn’t the only one who mourned her death. Grief was a shroud over the entire clubhouse those first few weeks. Everyone missed her laughter, her sass. There was no one to call us out on our bullshit because even Beck was in pain.
And I had made it worse.
“There’s some heavy thinking over here,” Haizley said as she climbed on the stool next to me. The prospect dropped off a rum and coke, and she held it up, staring at me while she waited.
With a sardonic laugh, I lifted my glass of whiskey and tapped it against her glass before downing the rest in one gulp. Archie was always quick to refill a glass when he worked behind the bar. The kid was sharp. Observant. He’d make a good brother.
“Thinking about Rachel.”
Haizley was quiet next to me. I knew she wouldn’t say a word until she needed to say something I didn’t want to hear.
“All this shit with Rose reminds me of the battles Rach fought by herself.”
“It was her choice to make, and she had her reasons. Whether we agree with them or not.”
I knew she was right. But it didn’t erase the fact that she felt like she couldn’t lean on me. That she couldn’t trust me.
“Her choices had nothing to do with you.” I eyed Haizley without turning. I swear the woman could read minds. “Theywere about her. What she wanted. Not what she felt you couldn’t give her.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. You let me read her letter. Those were her words, Cash. She didn’t want you to carry her burden. Not because she didn’t trust you. But because she loved you.” She swallowed her drink and then turned to look at me. She wanted my attention before she continued, so I turned my head. “Kytten isn’t any different. None of us old ladies are. We love you guys so much, and we know you already have so much on your plate that we don’t want to pile on more. Not because we don’t trust you. But because we know you. We know you’ll take it from us. You’ll try to fix it for us, but it’s often something we have to fix ourselves.”
I studied the woman as she took a sip from her drink. “What are you hiding from your old man?”
She chuckled. “Nothing anymore. The man reads me like a frickin’ book.” She looked out over the room, then turned back to me. “The point is, no one wants to burden the people they love. Even Amber. She could have come to me. Instead, she ran. She’s out there somewhere hurting, but she won’t let anyone help her. She feels like she has taken so much from you all already.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“It is. But it’s how she feels. We can’t reason with emotion. The heart has no room for facts. All we can do is tell our loved ones every day how much we love them. And be there when they are ready to lean on us. Kytten knows that now. She’ll still struggle. Maybe for the rest of her life. But we’ll teach her how to trust us and lean on us when she’s hurting. And when she falls, and someday she will fall. Maybe not all the way down, maybe she’ll just stumble. We all do. But we’ll be there to pick her back up. Just like when we find Amber and bring her home. We’llrally around her and hold her up, reminding her how much she is loved.”
Haizley leaned over and kissed my cheek. She took her glass and strolled over to the couch where Sam sat watching TV with Tank; Charlie asleep on his lap.
“Church, brother,” King whispered as he walked past. I downed the rest of my whiskey and nudged the glass toward the edge, letting Archie know I was done. I pushed off my stool and turned to the double doors.
We didn’t wait long before the officers and Sypher gathered in church. Including Blade.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Go home,” King ordered.
“Can’t. Beck ordered me to come here. Melissa and Pippen are over there with her. She said as long as Amber was missing, I needed to be here.” He shrugged and took his seat.
I looked at Sypher. “Pippen didn’t want to come?”
He shook his head. “He’s too worried about his sister. Said he didn’t want to hear what we didn’t have. He’d rather cuddle the baby than get upset that we still had nothing. I swear these women keep having babies and he’s gonna want another one.”
“You can share ours,” Ghost said with a smile.
“Mellie’s pregnant?” Gunner asked, his eyes fixed on his sister’s old man.
“Not yet. But I’m working on convincing her.”
Jesus, not sure we needed a baby here as crazy as him and as smart as Mellie. The kid would take over the world by the fifth grade.
“Alright, do we have anything?”
The doors opened, and Val and Bane walked in. “Our invite got lost in the mail I guess?” Bane asked as he glared at King.
