Page 50 of The Monsters Within
Except for today.
When my search of the pantry and large walk-in freezer yielded the same results, I quickly moved to the utensil drawers. Pulling them all open as quietly as I could, I searched for what I was looking for. When I finally found the small paring knife, I almost sobbed in relief.
It had been weeks.
I needed to hear them scream.
I stuck the knife in my boot and slipped out the door. They could hear me calling. They were waking up. Looking up and down the hall, I walked toward the back door. I had to get outside. Had to find a spot in the woods where I could hide. Where no one would see me.
I had to be careful. If my steps were too hurried, someone would know what I was doing. I put my hands in my back pocket and took a deep breath, trying to control my breathing and the rapid beat of my heart.
I was losing on both accounts.
There weren’t many trees in Nebraska. Just small groves of evergreens here and there. Otherwise, the fields were wide open, so you could see for miles on a clear day. During one of my walks, I had noticed a small outbuilding situated within a group of trees. I hadn’t gone near it, not wanting to bring attention to myself. But now I needed somewhere to hide.
I made my way out back, further along the property line until the clubhouse was small on the horizon. Then I hitched a rightand walked until I was on the other side of the building, the clubhouse hidden from view.
I didn’t need to know what the building was. Had no desire to go inside. Instead, I sat on the ground, my back against the metal siding, and pulled the small blade from my boot.
Thankfully, my jeans were torn, so I wouldn’t have to remove them. I traced my fingers along the vine tattoo. Tears welled in my eyes but wouldn’t tip over. The monsters were screaming, and they were screaming loud.
I placed the blade against my skin, only I hesitated. My eyes closed tight against the memory of when Cash learned of my shame. I couldn’t think about that right now. I had to feed the monsters. I needed them to take my feelings.
Go to him!
I shook my head at the voice in my head. It was new. It was louder than the monsters, but it wasn’t loud enough.
Tell him the truth!
I shook my head again and pressed the blade against my skin, no hesitation this time. It sliced through the layers until a crimson line appeared, and the monsters’ screams drowned out the voice that tried to stop me.
The tears fell then. They rolled down my cheeks as the blood rolled down my leg. My head banged against the building. The monsters were supposed to stop the tears. They were supposed to scream, so I didn’t have to.
It wasn’t enough. I cut again, and another crimson line appeared stark against the pale skin of my leg. It wasn’t enough. A third time, and the screams still weren’t loud enough.
The hand holding the knife dropped to my side. There was only one thing left to try. I screamed with them, hoping I was far enough away that no one heard me. I screamed until my voice was hoarse. Until I had no tears left.
Chapter Fifteen
Cash
For the past three days, I had been sitting in this fucking office during Rose’s sessions. Torment told me he was going to start pushing. He was going to make her more uncomfortable until she relented.
He said it wouldn’t be easy for her. Or me. That’s why he wanted me here. Tank sat against the wall behind me, Nav to my right. I was being fucking babysat.
My anxiety was through the roof. My knee bounced uncontrollably as I waited for her to walk out of church. King had told Torment there were cameras and gave him the option of turning them off.
He declined.
He said he normally taped his sessions anyway, and as long as he could guarantee no one watched them, he would like them left on. Nav wouldn’t tell me shit.
Church didn’t have an open feed like the rest of the grounds. The recordings could only be watched after the fact. At least, that’s what Nav told us. I thought the fucker was lying.
When I saw the door open before the end of the hour-long session, my knee stopped. I leaned forward to watch where she went. When she turned down the hallway, Nav switched the feed.
Hash had been given orders to stay out of the kitchen. Torment was setting up my woman, and I wanted to fucking kill him for it.
When the door opened, I glared up at him.
