Page 38 of The Monsters Within
“What do you want, Kytten?”
“I want Cash.”
“What do you want, Kytten?”
“I want to leave!” I shouted.
Dr. Dunaway smiled and leaned forward. “This room? This club? This state? What do you want, Kytten?”
Could I do it? Could I tell him what I wanted? Could I choose to walk away? Not from everything, not forever. I just needed a break. I needed a day off from all the memories and the pain.
And the feelings.
I needed a break from the feelings. I wanted to breathe without the suffocating weight of everything that he was bringing to the surface. Just one day where I didn’t have to talk about myself.
“I don’t want to talk anymore.”
“Today or at all?”
I took a deep breath while I stalled to examine his question. I knew the answer he wanted. The answer everyone would want. Was that the answer I wanted?
I hadn’t slept well for the past few nights. Nightmares plagued my dreams, but when I woke up in Cash’s arms, they were all forgotten.
Literally forgotten to the point where I couldn’t remember what I had dreamed about.
“Today,” I answered softly as I waited for him to chastise me.
“Okay.” He stood up and started gathering his notes.
“What are you doing?”
“Giving you what you want. We are done for today.”
I didn’t understand. We had just started fifteen minutes ago. Why was he leaving? “You don’t want to work with me anymore?”
His shoulders slumped, and I knew I had asked the wrong question.
“Kytten, of course I do. I am not going anywhere anytime soon. But you have gone through a lot these past few days. If you need a break, we’ll take a break. All you have to do is say so.”
“But I’m not fixed.”
Dr. Dunaway fell into his seat. “Kytten, there is nothing to fix.” Now I was confused. “People don’t need fixing. They need help. I am here to help you learn how to handle the things you can’t handle on your own. My job is to help you grow. Not to fix you.”
I guessed when you looked at that way, everyone could use a little help. Even Val broke down. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it made me sad. It made me hurt for her.
“So we can talk again tomorrow?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “Or if you need a full day off, we can talk the next day.”
“And that’s okay to do?” It felt like at any minute he would turn around and take it back. Tell me I was stupid or weak for needing a break.
“Yes, it’s okay to do that.”
I still hadn’t stood up. Biting my lip, I waited for him to leave. He didn’t move either. It was like we were playing a game of chicken to see who would break first.
“Do you need me to leave first so you know it’s okay?”
My eyes snapped to his. Was he reading my mind? “No,” I said as I stood from my chair. My feet wouldn’t move though. Ilooked at the door longingly. Wanting so much to walk through it.
