Page 93 of The Monsters Within
“I understood her to mean that she was assaulting children she helped save. Maybe the women too. She said it wasn’t just the girls, and I lost control. But I won’t apologize for that.”
“This wasn’t your fault, Rosie,” Cash whispered behind me.
“It was. I should have said something.”
“Kytten, no!” Val said, her words sharp and firm. She looked at King. “Are you done? Mimic did the right thing. Would it have been helpful to know who else she hurt? Yes. Do I believe she would have told us? No, but I have records of every family she worked with, and I will find out who they are and make it right.”
Val walked to my brother and stood in front of him. “She never stopped looking for you. Even when I told her you were probably gone. She never gave up. I’m so happy you she found you.” Then, she wrapped her arms around him, and the look on his face was priceless.
Val was a hugger. She wouldn’t let him go until he hugged her back. I made a motion with my arms, telling him what to do, andhe finally understood. When Val released him, she went one step further and kissed his cheek before coming to me.
“We need to talk, sweetheart.”
“I know.” I turned to Cash.
“You can do this,” he said. “But if you need me to come with you I will.”
I thought about it. I looked at Val, then back at him. Taking a deep breath, I shook my head. “I can do this,” I whispered.
I took Val’s hand and led her outside. If we walked while we talked, then I wouldn’t have to look at her face. I wouldn’t have to see the hurt and disappointment when I told her the truth.
“Kytten, I want to apologize.”
We hadn’t gotten far when I stopped and looked at her. “For what?”
“For not seeing what was happening. For not protecting you under my own goddamn roof.” She closed her eyes, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “I have spent my life trying to protect women from fucked-up men. It blinded me beyond that. I’ve seen what women can do, but somehow, I still missed it.”
“This wasn’t your fault. If I had told you the first time, it would have been dealt with then.”
“Can I ask why you didn’t tell me?”
There it was. The sadness, the disappointment at the lack of trust I had in her. I looked away and took a few steps. When I told everyone what happened, I left out the part about it being on my birthday. I didn’t want Val to know that. Not in front of everyone.
“The first time it happened, I was sad and upset. I felt forgotten and lonely, and Syrena had always been so nice. I wasn’t stupid; I knew what sex was. I knew women were attracted to other women, and I guess I let it happen, even when I knew it shouldn’t and that I didn’t want to because I felt like everyone had forgotten me except her.”
Val gripped my arm and stopped me. “Forgotten you? How could we have forgotten you?”
I rolled my lips between my teeth. I didn’t want to look at her. Instead, I looked over her shoulder, avoiding her eyes. Maybe I should have let her see the hurt. But I loved this woman and owed her so much. I didn’t want to hurt her.
Dr. Dunaway had been trying to get me to understand that my feelings weren’t contingent on someone else’s actions. They were mine. And they came from my life. My happiness, my trauma—all of it made me who I was today.
And there was a part of me that understood. Logically, I knew that her actions weren’t responsible for my feelings, and my actions weren’t responsible for hers. But I knew Val. She loved so big and so hard there was no way she wouldn’t blame herself, and that would make her hurt.
Val was compassionate and empathetic. It was why she was so good at what she did.
“It was my fifteenth birthday.” I chanced a look at Val and knew she didn’t understand. “The first three years, you and the girls made such a big deal about my birthday. And I loved it. I felt loved and wanted. But that year, when I came downstairs, no one was there. I was alone.”
I studied my feet. My hands in my pockets. Melissa still had the knife I wanted to give to Thorne. The one that had suddenly become more than a way to call the monsters. It had become a talisman of sorts. Something to remind me of what I had done. What I had endured.
What I was able to overcome with the help of the people who loved and cared about me.
“Syrena had come home with groceries and told me you were in Louisiana.”
Val gasped. Her hand covered her mouth, and she mumbled, “With my daughter.”
I could only nod. My throat had closed up around a lump so big I didn’t think I would ever get past it.
“The call came in the middle of the night. I didn’t want to wake you. Arsyn, Slyce, and I left right away, but Syrena was there. She was supposed to tell you everything when you woke up.”
