Page 75 of The Dark Lord Awakens
Three weeks earlier
Istood in the council chamber, facing the assembled department heads with what I hoped was an expression of dark lord confidence rather than the nervous excitement I actually felt.
“I’ve devised a solution to our resource shortages,” I announced. “We’re going to sell Iferona’s unique products to other realms through the void.”
A stunned silence fell over the room. Lord Taxman’s quill dropped from his suddenly limp fingers, splattering ink across his meticulously maintained ledger—a disaster he didn’t even seem to notice.
“The… the void itself?” Magister Wiggles whispered, the magical patterns beneath his translucent skin swirling frantically. “Direct commerce with the primordial darkness?”
“Um, sort of?” I hedged, not wanting to explain that OpenSesame was basically just interdimensional Amazon. “Think of it as a merchant network that spans multiple realms.”
“Unprecedented,” Lady Shadowfax murmured, her shadowy form rippling with what might have been excitement. “No dark lord has ever established direct trade with the void entities.”
“They’re not exactly enti—” I began but was interrupted by Duke Splashypants surging half out of his seat, webbed hands splashing moisture across the table.
“My lord! The Murk Marshes produce seventeen varieties of void-touched fungi that have never been shared with other realms! The sacred mushrooms of the deep pools! The luminous caps of the twilight banks! The throbbing stems of the midnight bloom that?—”
“Yes, thank you, Duke Splashypants,” I cut in before his fungal enthusiasm could get any more suggestive. “That’s exactly the kind of unique resource I’m talking about.”
General Smashington slammed a massive fist on the table, causing everyone to jump. “The forges of Iferona! Our blades are quenched in shadow itself! Other realms will tremble at the chance to possess such weapons!”
“Or collect them as exotic artifacts,” I suggested quickly. “Let’s focus on the ‘valuable collectibles’ angle rather than ‘tools for conquest.’”
“Each department will oversee the collection and preparation of their specific resources,” I continued, walking around the table to place small black discs in front of each department head. “These are your commerce terminals. They connect directly to the void merchant network.”
Magister Wiggles lifted his terminal with trembling hands, his eyes wide with reverence. “A direct conduit to the void’s mysteries,” he whispered, the magical patterns beneath his skin forming what looked suspiciously like the OpenSesame logo before dissolving back into chaos.
“When activated, each terminal will provide you with your own interface and assistant,” I explained, “similar to mine but with features specific to your department’s needs.”
“We get our own void entity?” Duke Splashypants gasped, accidentally spraying the table with droplets in excitement.
“In a manner of speaking,” I said. “Let me demonstrate.”
I touched Duke Splashypants’ terminal, and a shimmering blue window materialized above it, smaller than my own but just as sleek. A pleasant, slightly bubbly voice emerged: [Greetings, esteemed merchant. This is Commerce Assistant Version 4.2.7, ready to facilitate your interdimensional trade endeavors.]
The entire room gasped collectively. Duke Splashypants actually fell off his chair.
“The void speaks directly to us!” Magister Wiggles whispered, dropping to his knees. “The ancient texts spoke of such communion, but I never dreamed…”
“It’s fairly straightforward,” I explained, trying to keep things practical while helping Duke Splashypants back into his seat. “Each assistant can be customized and even named according to your preferences.”
“Named?” General Smashington looked bewildered. “We may bestow designations upon void entities?”
“Sure,” I shrugged. “Mine is called Supremo.”
This revelation seemed to shock them even more than the interfaces themselves.
“You have… nicknamed an aspect of the void?” Lady Shadowfax asked, her shadowy form condensing with what might have been awe or horror.
“It’s not that big a deal,” I said, wondering why they were so fixated on this point. “You can call yours whatever you want.”
Lord Taxman, who had been unusually quiet, finally spoke. “My lord, as treasury administrator, will I have oversight of all financial transactions?”
“Yes,” I confirmed. “You’ll have admin access to the financial side of all department accounts, though each department head will manage their own inventory and listings.”
The small, meticulous demon straightened his spectacles with trembling fingers. “And… and how will the void tokens manifest in our treasury?”
“They’ll be automatically converted to gold and delivered directly to the treasury vault,” I explained, having worked this out with Supremo earlier. “You’ll receive notifications of all deposits.”
