Page 69 of The Dark Lord Awakens
“Actually, yes. Send some basic hydroponics starter kits too.”
The department heads watched this exchange with expressions ranging from awe to confusion to poorly concealed alarm as I conversed with empty space. Magister Wiggles, however, looked like he might explode from excitement, the magical patterns under his skin swirling at dizzying speeds.
“My lord,” he breathed, “you commune directly with the void consciousness? This is unprecedented!”
“It’s just a shopping service,” I said, deciding not to burst his bubble completely. “Mistress Pokey, once these materials arrive, I want you to study them and develop a pilot program. We need sustainable food production, not just emergency relief.”
She bowed deeply. “As you command, my lord.”
After Mistress Pokey’s report, Duke Splashypants rose, water droplets cascading from his amphibious form as he moved. “My lord, the Murk Marshes offer an alternative food source,” he said, his voice gurgling slightly. “The marshlands contain numerous edible species that require minimal cultivation. With proper harvesting techniques, we could supplement the realm’s food supply while the farmlands recover.”
“That’s exactly the kind of thinking we need,” I said, genuinely impressed. “What would you need to make that happen?”
“Primarily labor, my lord,” Duke Splashypants replied, standing a bit straighter at my approval. “The marshes are dangerous to the uninitiated. My people could train harvesting teams, but we would require protective equipment and transportation for the gathered resources.”
“Make a list of what you need,” I told him. “We’ll prioritize it.”
Duke Splashypants bowed, water dripping from his elaborate collar. “As you command, Master of the Moist Dominion.”
I managed not to choke at the title. “Right. Moving on…”
General Smashington stepped forward next, his massive form casting shadows across the table. “The security situation requires your attention, my lord.” His voice rumbled like distant thunder. “Our scouts report increased activity in the Howling Forest. Whatever drove out the goblins and dwarves is growing stronger.”
“Any idea what we’re dealing with?”
The general’s expression darkened. “The descriptions are… inconsistent. Some speak of shadow creatures that consume both matter and magic. Others report massive beasts with countless eyes. Lady Shadowfax’s agents penetrated deeper than most, but even they could not provide clear intelligence.”
Lady Shadowfax’s shadowy form rippled slightly. “My best scout described it as ‘hunger given form,’ my lord. Before he lost his mind.”
Well, that was cheerful. “Have we established a perimeter? I don’t want whatever this is getting anywhere near the camp.”
“Triple patrols along the forest edge,” General Smashington confirmed. “And I’ve stationed our strongest combat units in reserve. But if these entities can consume magic itself…”
I nodded grimly. “Keep the patrols alert, but no heroics. If something emerges, I want to know immediately.”
The meeting continued, with each department head reporting on their area of responsibility. The picture that emerged was of a realm on the brink of collapse—not just from hunger, but from centuries of neglect and mismanagement. The water sources were contaminated, buildings were crumbling, and basic services like waste disposal simply didn’t exist.
“Wait,” I interrupted Lord Taxman’s droning report. “What happened to the sewage systems? I know they existed, at least basic medieval-style waste management.”
Sir Formalitee adjusted his spectacles nervously. “The infrastructure has… deteriorated significantly over the centuries, my lord. Maintenance was deemed a low priority during your absence. The noble districts maintained their private facilities, but the common areas’ systems have collapsed or been repurposed.”
“Repurposed?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“Several of the main drainage tunnels were converted to storage by various guilds and factions,” he explained delicately. “Others simply… filled up and were never cleared.”
“So now they just dump it wherever?”
“There are designated areas,” he said weakly.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Sesame, I need civil engineering textbooks. Focus on sanitation, water purification, and basic urban planning. Again, translated and appropriate for the local technology.”
[Processing request. Would you like these materials to include implementation guides for low-technology environments?]
“Yes, perfect.”
Sir Formalitee looked both terrified and fascinated. “My lord, are you suggesting we… rebuild the entire city’s infrastructure?”
“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. We’re not starting from scratch; we’re restoring what should have been maintained all along. Look, you can’t have a functioning society where people are literally living in their own filth. It’s not just gross, it’s a public health disaster.”
