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For a moment, absolute silence reigned. Then, as if on cue, every demon in sight dropped to their knees, foreheads pressedto the ground in the most dramatic display of subservience I’d ever witnessed.
“ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD!” they chanted in unison, the sound reverberating through the castle. “MASTER OF THE VOID! BRINGER OF BOUNTY! FULFILLER OF PROPHECY!”
At some point, I should probably find out what this prophecy actually said.
I raised my hands, feeling both ridiculous and strangely powerful. “Rise, my loyal subjects. The bounty of the void awaits.”
As the demons stood, I descended the stairs from the balcony to the courtyard, Azrael following close behind. The crowd parted before me like the Red Sea before Moses, many still bowing or making reverent gestures as I passed.
I approached the nearest stack of supplies—cases of cup noodles in various flavors, their colorful packaging visible through the clear plastic wrapping. The demons watched with bated breath as I examined the mysterious objects from beyond.
“Let us inspect the bounty,” I announced, trying to sound appropriately dark-lordish. “Bring me one of each type of provision.”
Several servants rushed forward, each grabbing different packages and bringing them to a nearby table that someone had hastily set up. Within minutes, I had samples of everything: cup noodles, protein bars, bread, bottled water, hygiene kits, and more.
I picked up a cup of instant ramen—spicy chicken flavor—and held it up for all to see. “This,” I announced, “is a powerful sustenance from the void realms. It contains energies that will restore strength and vitality to even the weakest among us.”
The demons stared at the cup with awe and confusion. I peeled back the lid partway, revealing the dried noodles and seasoning packet inside.
“Behold,” I continued, “the magic is sealed within, preserved until the moment of consumption. It requires only hot water to release its power.”
I gestured to one of the water heaters that had arrived with the supplies. “Bring that forward and fill it with water.”
While servants scrambled to comply, I opened a package of sliced bread. The demons closest to me gasped at the sight of the perfectly uniform, soft white slices.
“The Bread of Vitality,” I improvised, holding up a slice. “Unlike your common loaves, this bread is infused with energies that strengthen the body and sharpen the mind.”
I broke off a small piece and popped it into my mouth, chewing thoughtfully. It was just regular white bread, but to these demons who were used to whatever passed for bread in this realm—probably dense, hard loaves made from whatever grain-adjacent substance they could grow in perpetual twilight—it might as well have been ambrosia.
“Would anyone care to sample the Bread of Vitality?” I asked, offering the loaf.
There was a moment of hesitation, then Magister Wiggles stepped forward, his translucent skin rippling with swirling magical patterns. “I would be honored, my lord, to taste the fruits of your void mastery.”
I handed him a slice, which he examined with scholarly intensity before taking a small, cautious bite. His eyes widened immediately, the swirling patterns beneath his skin accelerating wildly.
“By the ancient shadows,” he whispered, then took another, larger bite. “It’s… it’s incredible! So soft, yet substantial. Sweet, yet not cloying.” He turned to the crowd, holding up the remaining bread like it was a holy relic. “The Dark Lord has indeed brought us wonders beyond imagination!”
A murmur ran through the crowd. More demons stepped forward, eager to try this miraculous food. I broke the loaf into pieces, distributing them among the department heads and their chief lieutenants.
Meanwhile, the water heater had been set up and was now bubbling away. I returned to the cup noodle, removed the lid completely, and poured hot water up to the line inside.
“Now we wait,” I announced dramatically. “The void energies require precisely three minutes to activate.”
The demons watched in fascinated silence as I replaced the lid and set the cup on the table. You could have heard a pin drop in that courtyard as everyone stared at the unassuming cup of instant ramen like it might start performing a musical number at any moment.
While we waited, I opened one of the bottled waters, unscrewing the cap with a theatrical flourish. “The Waters of Purity,” I declared, taking a sip. “Cleansed by void energies, free of all taint and contamination.”
I passed the bottle to Lady Shadowfax, whose shadowy form seemed to solidify slightly as she accepted it. She examined the clear plastic container with fascination before taking a delicate sip.
Her glowing eyes widened. “It is… untainted,” she whispered. “No sulfur, no mineral harshness, no trace of shadow essence or blood algae.” She took another, longer drink. “It is simply… water. Perfect water.”
The three minutes finally elapsed, and I returned to the cup noodle with all the gravity of a priest performing a sacred ritual. I removed the lid, revealing the now-softened noodles in their steaming broth.
“The transformation is complete,” I announced, stirring the noodles with the provided plastic fork. I took a bite, savoring the familiar, artificially enhanced spicy chicken flavor that hadsustained me through countless late-night gaming sessions in my previous life.
“Mmm,” I said, genuinely enjoying the taste. “The void energies are potent indeed.”